The Birth of Grand Finale Osborne

Luke Fiser Osborne

So, it’s official. Grand Finale Osborne finally began his much-anticipated reign of the planet Earth yesterday at 1:08pm. Early indications suggest that he will be a sleepy, even-tempered and flatulent ruler. My incredibly beautiful, smart, funny and charming wife proved that she’s also a total gamer (as her tennis exploits have long attested) — she was intent on having a vaginal birth and she did just that. After much deliberation we opted to not subject our fifth and final child to a state of general namelessness, but will instead call him Luke Fiser Osborne. Luke weighed 7lbs 4.8oz at birth. Both Caroline and he are doing well.

More, later, I’m sure, but for now, I’ve posted a slide-show after the jump if you’d like to see a few pics of him. And one more thing: Caroline and I wanna thank everyone for all the love and support we feel lucky to have received. We have taken each and every such display as your biding offer to help us around the house as we get acclimated over the next few months. So we’ll be calling you. Repeatedly. Until you answer. So don’t screen us. ‘Cause that’d be bullshit. Oh. And feel free to just treat yourself to whatever’s in the fridge.

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Maybe Sigourney Weaver Would Help

Caroline and Alli, as seen waiting for Go Dot.

I feel guilty because I can tell that more and more of you are stopping by each and every day, very likely with the specific intent of finding out whether or not Grand Finale has begun his reign of planet Earth. And, well, he hasn’t. Which means each time you stop by, instead of some joyous birth announcement, all you’re getting are various snippets of mindless conversations which feature subjects as asinine as Rambo’s bandana, the Bang-Bang train and nipple stimulation as it pertains to NASCAR — all while we wait for the little fellow who’s starting to feel as if he might not ever get here.

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Grand Finale Osborne

Shhhh. He’s sleeping.

So, just two weeks and six days until Grand Finale Osborne begins his reign of planet Earth. That noise you may have heard a second ago? It was the sound of the brick I just passed hitting the ground. Because I gotta admit, I’m freaking out a bit. And the plethora of Dr. Brown’s bottles which have suddenly appeared out of nowhere?

Not helping. But one thing that does help is looking at these pictures of him.

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