10 Funny Weiner Resignation Headlines

That Weiner looks kinda crooked, no? Image: David Boyle Creative Commons

Wow. So Weiner’s done. On the one hand, I’m good with it. I mean, it’s not so much what he did (though I, personally think it’s abhorrent behavior), but it’s how steadfastly he denied it. Simply put, I could never, ever tell such a significant lie not to mention tell such a lie to an entire country. I seriously don’t understand how anyone could do this, much less someone who has been voted into public office (presumably) by earning the confidence of countless constituents.

Yet, on the other hand, I’m quite sad. Because I so enjoyed making up Weiner headlines. Given the spike in traffic I received, I gather that you enjoyed it, too. So in honor of Weiner’s resignation, I’ve penned 10 last headlines about his resignation that I’d LOVE to see in print. Consider it my way of saying goodbye to a dick.

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Top 10 Anthony Weiner Headlines I’ve Yet to Read

The congressman knows what the photographer of these hotdogs knew. If you take the picture from below, your wieners will look bigger.

Seriously, y’all. This stuff writes itself. So why isn’t anyone writing them? Or maybe they are, and I’m just not reading them. Thus far, Gawker’s had the best Weiner headline that I’ve seen a la Can Weiner Keep it Up. And while it was good enough to draw an audible chuckle, it could have been so much better. So tell me, why haven’t the Weiner headlines been off-the-hook funny?

WE DESERVE FUNNIER WEINER HEADLINES, DAMN IT.

So I’ve taken the liberty of writing the 10 best Weiner headlines I could, um, muster up. Now, please keep two things in mind. I possess the maturity of a super immature 15-year-old. And, I’m not saying that these haven’t been written. For all I know, they have been, but if, indeed they have, I’ve not seen them, so please forgive me if I end up coming up with a derivation of something that’s already out there.

Now, without further ado, here are the 10 best Anthoney Weiner headlines I’ve yet to read:

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