Top 10 Anthony Weiner Headlines I’ve Yet to Read

The congressman knows what the photographer of these hotdogs knew. If you take the picture from below, your wieners will look bigger.

Seriously, y’all. This stuff writes itself. So why isn’t anyone writing them? Or maybe they are, and I’m just not reading them. Thus far, Gawker’s had the best Weiner headline that I’ve seen a la¬†Can Weiner Keep it Up. And while it was good enough to draw an audible chuckle, it could have been so much better. So tell me, why haven’t the Weiner headlines been off-the-hook funny?

WE DESERVE FUNNIER WEINER HEADLINES, DAMN IT.

So I’ve taken the liberty of writing the 10 best Weiner headlines I could, um, muster up. Now, please keep two things in mind. I possess the maturity of a super immature 15-year-old. And, I’m not saying that these haven’t been written. For all I know, they have been, but if, indeed they have, I’ve not seen them, so please forgive me if I end up coming up with a derivation of something that’s already out there.

Now, without further ado, here are the 10 best Anthoney Weiner headlines I’ve yet to read:

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Sex, Lies and Weiner’s Debate

So, aside from being a dead ringer for Arnold Horshack, it turns out that Anthony Weiner is also one whale of a sexter. Aggressive. The real deal. Of course, when the now infamous Twit pic first surfaced, Weiner pretended like he wasn’t the real deal, instead insisting that his Twitter account had been hacked by someone who was simply making a play on his last name. It stands to reason that this was the only time in the guy’s entire life that he was actually stoked to have the last name Weiner, you know, to lend at least a shred of potential credibility to his claim. And the rest of us should just be happy that he wasn’t born Anthony Ball because God only knows what type of photo “the hacker” would have taken to make a play on that one.¬†Regardless, the defiant congressman has refused to step down. After all, that would force his constituents to somehow carry on with their Weiner out. And, well, most folks aren’t into that kinda stuff.

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