I don’t know about you, but now that the holidays are officially over, I am so ready to get back to work. Don’t get me wrong, my time off was very nice, but with Pookie out of school, and the toddler trio in full effect, I couldn’t have managed another day at home if I tried. Unless of course, the kids magically disappeared and left Lovie and me at home by ourselves.
Wait a minute. That’s really not such a bad idea. And with Pookie starting school on Monday, that leaves just the triplets we’d need to farm off. Hmm. Assuming I can find them decent-paying jobs, maybe they could be the ones to go back to work while Lovie and I enjoy a little more down time.
Of course, their employer would have to be extremely flexible. Starting with dress code. The boys are a little young to be wearing power ties, but we’ll make sure to have them in their boldest “big boy pants.” No tasteful pant suit for C, either, but her Hello Kitty bow and “big girl panties” should do the trick.
Assuming they get to work at eight o’clock sharp, their first stop will be the company cafeteria. No coffee and bagel, though. More like “na-nas” and “joos.” After breakfast, it’ll just about be time for them to get crackin’, but first, they’ll need to take a turn on the potty. After all, they can’t go all day in their big boy pants/big girl panties without taking a turn on the potty. All companies are already equipped with handicapped toilets. I wonder what their plastic pottie seat situation is? No biggie either way. If need be, they can always take ours.
I hope it doesn’t annoy their co-workers when they hear happy voices singing “Pee pee YAY! Pee pee YAY!” and “Bye-bye pee pee,” from the stall next to theirs. If it does, at least they can take solace knowing that such singing will be short lived. Soon there’ll be a fight over who gets to flush the toilet.
Oh. And I guess we ought to warn their boss about the post-bathroom visit. You know. The one where they stampede out of the bathroom and run (naked) all the way to his office and start bitching until they get an M&M? He’d better have some cookies on hand, too, in case they drop the deuce. It gets ugly when they’re no cookies.
By then, it’ll be close to ten—just enough time for a coupla hours of work. Of course, they’re only two, so it’ll be hard for them to stay focused, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. Unless there’s a window in the office. Because if there is one, the wee threesome will congregate there and leave smudge marks with their tiny hands while bidding a fond farewell to everything they see. At least everything they see that they know the word for.
“Bye-bye plane. Bye-Bye truck. Bye-bye birdie. Bye-bye doggie. Bye-bye car.”
Sure hope their co-workers get used to all the bye-byes. On second thought, I guess it doesn’t matter—sadly, they’ll have no choice in the matter. Each and every time one of them walks by the triplets’ office, be it to get some water, or to make a photo-copy, or perhaps just to embark on a bathroom break of their own, the loud and gleeful bye-byes will begin yet again, this time directed at them. Too bad they won’t know that explaining you’re not actually leaving won’t remedy the situation. Oh well. They’ll find out soon enough.
After a quick lunch, it’ll be nap time. I wonder what the company policy on naps is. From my limited experience in corporate America, I seem to remember that sleeping on the job is usually frowned upon. Maybe the trips can sneak a nap in during a meeting or something. Surely someone will be giving a bullshit, power-point presentation. Those typically go down in a dark room.
Uh oh. That means there’ll be a fight about who gets to flip out the lights.
Maybe this isn’t such a great idea after all. They’re an adorable lot, but they sure require tons of work. And attention. And patience. It’s probably best if they stay at home.
Which brings me back to my initial point. l don’t know about you, but now that the holidays are officially over, I am so ready to get back to work.