2 Dudes on 1 Balcony With No Clue

Okay. I’m feeling surly today, which means this post may have a bit of profanity, so don’t say I didn’t warn you fuckers.

Why so surly, you might ask? Well, for starters, it’s only my second day back from the longest family vacation I’ve ever taken (10 days), so I’m totally behind and still a bit tired to boot. Plus, I’m about to relay an embarrassing story that happened on said vacation which will reveal me to be the incompetent fool that I really am. And this has me most upset.

Still, let’s get started, shall we?

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The Conservative Risk Taker: A Cautionary Tale of Parenting and Hypocrisy

I’m a risk taker. And I knew it shortly after I’d graduated from college when I loaded up my Toyota Tercel and headed to Seattle despite the fact I’d only visited the city once in my entire life for a grand total of 16 hours just two weeks prior. And despite the fact that I had no money whatsoever. (Don’t worry. I stopped in Vegas.) And no job waiting for me. No friends, either, except, I suppose, my college girlfriend, though that relationship was destined to fail shortly thereafter.

True to form, I had a sound bite (sound byte?) prepared for all those folks who questioned what I was doing (and, believe me, there were many).

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Annoying Toys and the Parents Who Loathe Them

So, I’ve been on a bit of a deep thread over here at my personal blog, one which I intend to deviate from with my next post which should be up tomorrow. (Wait til you hear what the triplets did yesterday…) But fear not, dear friends. For I still possess a sense of humor. And today it’s on display over at AimingLow. And I gotta say, I’m kinda partial to this post as I think it’s quite funny. Remember the post I wrote for TLC called 10 Astonishingly Annoying Toys? (It wound up on the homepage of YahooShine!) It was inspired by one toy in particular. And that toy is featured in the AimingLow post that just went up today. But what’s also featured is another dialogue with my exceedingly clever and lovely wife. One in which she, per usual, gives me all I can handle. See what happens when we disagree on whether or not a toy will prove to be annoying by clicking HERE. And, again, swing back by tomorrow if you wanna see me try to be funny on my personal blog for a change.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Nappiness

Parenting is a tough gig. One which calls for many sacrifices. And surely a guy who went from carefree bachelor to father of four in just 13 months would know all about sacrifices, right? Wrong. At least not when it comes to one particular thing which I’ve never been asked to give up.

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You Don’t Know Who the Baby Looks Like. You Just Don’t.

Even when I look real close, I can’t tell!

Last night I went for a run and took my iPhone along because I wanted to listen to a new playlist that I had downloaded earlier in the day. About a mile into it, the music was interrupted by notification of a tweet I had received from a random woman who was commenting on a piece I had written for TLC which discussed the advantages of being an older parent. I actually fired back with a few taps of my thumbs without even breaking stride, and once I did, I was taken aback by the entire experience. I was essentially having a conversation with a woman I had never met before about the birth of my youngest child. While running. Through the use of my phone. (And I once thought call waiting was the shit…)

Yet as much as technology has changed the way in which I’m able to converse about my newborn, human nature has insisted that some of the conversations remain the exact same as they’ve always been. And I was reminded of this earlier today when Grand Finale and I ran into an old friend who engaged me in such a conversation.

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The Return of Date Night

Date night, of course, means that someone’s gotta tend to Grand Finale…

Good News — Caroline and I are going out on a date tonight.
Bad News — I can’t remember the last time we went out on a date.

Good News — Caroline’s good at remembering stuff like that. So I asked her.
Bad News — Caroline did, indeed, remember and had this to say: “It was in December and you were a total jackass because your eyes were glued to that stupid football game the entire night.”

In my defense, it was the SEC Championship Game, so I sorta had to watch it. Plus, I laid the points and took the Tigers, and the number was in jeopardy until the very end of the third quarter.

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10 Most Obvious Findings Ever

Rupaul's on my list.

Writing for Babble has been wonderful for a number of reasons. One of them is that I’m plugged in to way more parenting news than ever before. Which is kinda neat. In fact, earlier today, I ran across a parenting-related study conducted by the Washington University of Medicine that simply blew my mind. I’m not sure how much money was spent on the research, but if they spent only a penny, then they got ripped off.

According to Washington University‘s website:

High school students who smoke, drink, use drugs… or engage in other risky behaviors also are more likely to become pregnant or to impregnate a sexual partner, according to a new study from psychiatry researchers at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis.

Oh my gosh, y’all. Who in the world would have ever thought that teens who booze it up and get high are more likely to end up with pregnancies? Good thing for Washington University. Good thing I read the entire article, too. Because the title of the article was confusing to me: Pregnancies More Likely in Teens who Smoke, Drink and Use Drugs. Maybe I didn’t get the title because it seemed like such a stretch.

The brainiacs behind this study were also involved in ten other studies. I’ve listed the headlines pertaining to each study’s result for your convenience. You know. In case you weren’t aware of them.

  1. There’s Been Snow This Winter
  2. Amy Chua Has a New Book Out
  3. Michael Jackson’s Relationship With Bubbles, The Chimp, Deemed Disturbing by Some
  4. Hitler Had Anti-Semetic Tendencies
  5. There’s a Football Game This Sunday
  6. Social Networking Site Facebook Gaining Momentum
  7. Prolonged Exposure to Rupaul Confuses Young Children
  8. Turns Out Brett Favre Was Kind of a Loser
  9. Heidi Klum is Remarkably Hot
  10. Charlie Sheen Enjoys Porn, Blow
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New Year’s Quotes, New Year’s Resolutions and Black Eyed Peas

May 2011 be the year we all get it right.

Much of it good, like selling my business and discovering Caroline was pregnant again. Some was not so good, like the death of my sister. Life is a collection of such watershed moments. And as one year draws to a close, we look to the next one with hope—hope that it will go better, hope that we’ll navigate all of our watershed moments more effectively than we did this past year.

The hangover of the holiday season is the perfect time for such reflection, the perfect time to come up with a game plan. And I’ve almost come up with mine. But to help me along, I first read what others had to say about the changing of the years.

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image: MorgueFile

Christmas Music After Christmas: Okay Through New Year’s Day?

What about Frosty the Snowman? Is that one okay?

So one of my boys comes up to me yesterday as I’m taking down the tree, (That’s right…it’s already down. We tend to get on stuff like that.) and he’s got this big frown on his face. “It’s sad when Christmas is over,” he announced in a defeated little voice. No argument there. I get a melancholy feeling every single year on December 26. In fact, I was in the throws of it the very moment Jack made his poignant observation.

There are countless thoughts and actions that go behind Christmas. So much energy lovingly poured into it. Then BOOM. It’s over. Just like that. Gone. That’s why we get the tree down so soon. Christmas is over, and the tree is just a painful reminder of that fact. So out it must go. Same thing with all the decorations.

But what about the music? Must it go? Or is it okay to play Christmas music this week?

I’ve always been of the mind frame that once Christmas has passed, all Christmas music must cease. My wife, however, thinks it’s okay to play Christmas music through the new year. Here’s the funny thing: she could care less whether or not Christmas music is playing. But me, on the other hand? The one who has over 24 hours of Christmas music on his iPod? The one who makes certain that soft yuletide harmonies are continuously piped into all of the speaker zones within our house starting the moment Thanksgiving dinner has concluded? I love Christmas music.

So it’s odd, no? That the one who loves the music has a “zero tolerance” policy toward playing it after Christmas while the one who doesn’t give a rip if it’s playing or not would be a-okay if it were doing just that?

“It is sad when Christmas is over.” I said back to my little boy. “And it’s even sadder because we can’t play Christmas music.”

“Here we go again,” said wife with a roll of her eyes. (Now might be a good time to mention that every December 26, I lament the fact that Christmas music is forbidden. About 30 times.) ”Every year we have this mindless debate about whether or not we can play Christmas music after Christmas. And every year, I say it’s fine, but you insist it’s not. Then you go on to obsess over it’s absence, bringing it up repeatedly.”

“Honey,” I protested…

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Image: stock.xchng

Cam Newton, His Dad and Their Disaster

Cam Newton is head and shoulders above everyone else.

Anyone who knows me knows knows that I’m a huge sports fan—college football in particular. This season has been an especially exciting one thanks in part to one player’s extraordinary play.

Sadly, a story which surrounds that very athlete has put the season in jeopardy. At least it has for me it has. The player is Cam Newton, and at the center of his story is a man who should be keeping his son out of these types of situations rather than dragging him into them.

That man is his dad. I wrote about my take on the allegations involving Cecil Newton over at Babble. It’s one of the better pieces I’ve written for them. I hope you’ll check it out by visiting Babble.

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