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5 Years With Caroline

August 26, 2011 By john cave osborne 18 Comments

It was exactly five years ago when I married my beautiful Caroline. And I remember the day vividly. Every aspect of it. And, believe it or not, the thing that sticks out most isn’t the part where we said “I do.” Nor is it the reception. Or even that first night we spent as man and wife. Nope. The thing that sticks out is sitting with my soon-to-be stepdaughter in one of the church’s meeting rooms as I nervously pondered my future. It was all about to change, and I vowed that I’d be ready for whatever it was that would come my way. Yet try as I might, there was simply no way I could have ever imagined everything I was about to get.

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Toddler Related Train Wrecks

August 18, 2011 By john cave osborne 19 Comments

You see that picture just above this line? That picture, my friends, is of the chandelier in our furniture-less dining room. But more importantly, that picture is the perfect metaphor for Caroline and me right now. We’re awfully close — in the grand scheme of things — to being right where we’re supposed to be. Yet, sadly, we’re noticeably askew. Still, we’re hanging in there. But, let’s fact it… we could collapse at virtually any moment.

Why, you ask? Because of toddler-related train wrecks. That’s why. And I learned of the most recent such train wreck just two days ago via a phone call from my beautiful wife. A phone call which began with a question that no man ever wants to hear his wife ask, especially over the telephone. “How do you turn off the water to the house?”

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Annoying Toys and the Parents Who Loathe Them

August 16, 2011 By john cave osborne Leave a Comment

So, I’ve been on a bit of a deep thread over here at my personal blog, one which I intend to deviate from with my next post which should be up tomorrow. (Wait til you hear what the triplets did yesterday…) But fear not, dear friends. For I still possess a sense of humor. And today it’s on display over at AimingLow. And I gotta say, I’m kinda partial to this post as I think it’s quite funny. Remember the post I wrote for TLC called 10 Astonishingly Annoying Toys? (It wound up on the homepage of YahooShine!) It was inspired by one toy in particular. And that toy is featured in the AimingLow post that just went up today. But what’s also featured is another dialogue with my exceedingly clever and lovely wife. One in which she, per usual, gives me all I can handle. See what happens when we disagree on whether or not a toy will prove to be annoying by clicking HERE. And, again, swing back by tomorrow if you wanna see me try to be funny on my personal blog for a change.

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Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Nappiness

August 15, 2011 By john cave osborne 18 Comments

Parenting is a tough gig. One which calls for many sacrifices. And surely a guy who went from carefree bachelor to father of four in just 13 months would know all about sacrifices, right? Wrong. At least not when it comes to one particular thing which I’ve never been asked to give up.

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The Theory of Relativity as it Pertains to the Departure of Toddlerhood

August 9, 2011 By john cave osborne 9 Comments

Jack, Kirby and Sam back in the day.

Everything’s relative. This pregnancy should be a piece of cake compared to the last one, our friends would tell us. And they were right. Because this pregnancy was much easier. No scares. No progesterone shots. No round-the-clock contraction monitoring. No hospitalized bed rest. No problems.

Even so, this pregnancy was harder to endure.

Still, everything’s relative. Taking care of just one baby will be so easy compared to taking care of three, our friends would tell us. And they were right. I mean, there’s a reason for the faint smile that creeps across my face after each successful 2 am bottle. It’s because I remember the days when I’d still have two more hungry customers waiting not-so-patiently in line.

Even so, taking care of Grand Finale has been harder than taking care of the triplets. At least that’s what I’ve found to be the case so far.

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You Don’t Know Who the Baby Looks Like. You Just Don’t.

August 3, 2011 By john cave osborne 10 Comments

Even when I look real close, I can’t tell!

Last night I went for a run and took my iPhone along because I wanted to listen to a new playlist that I had downloaded earlier in the day. About a mile into it, the music was interrupted by notification of a tweet I had received from a random woman who was commenting on a piece I had written for TLC which discussed the advantages of being an older parent. I actually fired back with a few taps of my thumbs without even breaking stride, and once I did, I was taken aback by the entire experience. I was essentially having a conversation with a woman I had never met before about the birth of my youngest child. While running. Through the use of my phone. (And I once thought call waiting was the shit…)

Yet as much as technology has changed the way in which I’m able to converse about my newborn, human nature has insisted that some of the conversations remain the exact same as they’ve always been. And I was reminded of this earlier today when Grand Finale and I ran into an old friend who engaged me in such a conversation.

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The Return of Date Night

July 29, 2011 By john cave osborne 16 Comments

Date night, of course, means that someone’s gotta tend to Grand Finale…

Good News — Caroline and I are going out on a date tonight.
Bad News — I can’t remember the last time we went out on a date.

Good News — Caroline’s good at remembering stuff like that. So I asked her.
Bad News — Caroline did, indeed, remember and had this to say: “It was in December and you were a total jackass because your eyes were glued to that stupid football game the entire night.”

In my defense, it was the SEC Championship Game, so I sorta had to watch it. Plus, I laid the points and took the Tigers, and the number was in jeopardy until the very end of the third quarter.

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Healthy Baby. Now What?

July 27, 2011 By john cave osborne 16 Comments

Hate to bust out one of my favorite redneck-isms on you, but there’s no other way to say it — it’s been hotter’n dammit lately. And whenever it’s hotter’n dammit, our upstairs gets a bit toasty. And the triplets had a tough time falling asleep last night thanks to all that toastiness. And, perhaps, to a bit of sassiness as well. Which meant that Caroline and I made countless trips up the stairs to tend to them on the very night that, as misfortune would have it, we finally crashed from the adrenaline high that Grand Finale’s arrival had temporarily provided us.

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The Island

July 26, 2011 By john cave osborne 21 Comments

I hear you. At least I think I do. So I look to see if your mouth is moving. But through the pitch black of midnight, it’s impossible to tell. Still, it must be you. No one else in our world can make that type of noise. At least not anymore. I can’t say that I’m excited to hear you. But I can’t say that I’m not, either. Because together we’ll go. And we’ll be alone. Just the two of us. And I look forward to that.

Even so, I drift back to sleep and only realize that fact during your next series of soft cries, the ones which finally prompt me to gently pick you up from the Moses basket. And together, we’re off.

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Another Happy Birthday

July 25, 2011 By john cave osborne 10 Comments

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

That’s right. Just days after we celebrated Grand Finale’s birthday, it’s time to celebrate yet another. And no, it’s not Alli’s, as the above picture might suggest. Nope, today’s birthday belongs to another girl. But not Kirby. Because then that’d mean that Sam and Jack would also be celebrating a birthday today, and they’re not. And it’s not my birthday. Nor is it the birthday of our faithful hound, Briggs. So that just leaves one person.

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