When Bad Pets Happen to Good Pregnancies

Briggs gets his snow day on with Alli, Kirby and Jack this past January.

So wow. We’ve officially reached the Honey, I hate your dog portion of the pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, this wife versus dog thing is nothing new. See, Caroline’s allergic to dogs, so Briggs (my well-meaning chocolate Lab) has been a factor from day one. In fact, even before day one, as evidenced during my engagement to Caroline when her best friend demanded to know (somewhat insultingly) what I was “going to do about Briggs.”

“I guess I’m just gonna put him down,” I answered without missing a beat. “It’s sad, and all, but he’s had a good run.” I mean, seriously, what did she expect me to say? Briggs is part of the deal and Caroline knew that. Still does, in fact. Only now, it seems as if she wants to renegotiate that deal. At least so I gathered on Saturday.

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Does Everyone Connect Babies Names and Meanings? Or Is That Just a Mariah Carey Thing?

Caroline's name bracket.

I gotta get something off my chest. Caroline and I are making absolutely no headway when it comes to names. This is nothing new for us. On the eve of the triplets birth? Do y’all have a name yet? our favorite nurse had asked. No, I answered, but we are in the final stages of deliberation. Which was true. Essentially all we needed was a grease board and 45 effective minutes. Once we were given both, BOOM, the triplets had names.

This time? We’re really struggling. And I recently read an article about the names belonging to Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s twins (Monroe and Morcoccan) which has me even more concerned. Because if we have to attach a funky meaning to our names? We’re really screwed.

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Melissa Petro Deserves Sympathy, But Not Another Teaching Gig

Melissa Petro's self inflicted wound proves that the pen is, indeed, mightier than the sword.

Melissa Petro went from unknown Bronx teacher to highly controversial figure in seconds flat thanks to an Op-Ed she wrote for the Huffington Post last year. In it, she criticized Craigslist’s for censoring their adult services section while openly admitting to her former role as a sex worker. Predictably, the grade school teacher’s shocking confession became front-page news. Even more predictably, the school district yanked Petro out of the classroom and reassigned her to administrative duties.

The other day, Petro wrote a piece on Salon which updated her situation as well as explained the thought process behind attaching her name to such a candid and sure-to-be controversial piece. After reading her narrative, two things occurred to me. First, Petro is an intelligent, well-intended woman who did not deserve the hateful onslaught which her Op-Ed generated. And second, Petro also does not deserve to get her teaching gig back.

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Adult Babies Make Me Reach for My Burp Cloth

That's not weird.

Stanley Thornton’s pretty much your average guy, really. Well, except for the fact that the 29-year-old spends half his life pretending to be an infant, that is. See, when Stanley gets home from a long day of work, he likes to hop into his favorite footies, suck on a pacifier and get busy with some legos. While many of us sit in our favorite chair and read the paper, he’s more likely to sit in a custom-built highchair and eat a bowl of apple sauce.

Who serves it to him? OH. Right. A former nurse named Sandra Diaz, that’s who. And Sandra’s pretty much your average gal, really. Well, except for the fact that she spends half her life pretending to be the mom of a some 29-year-old guy who’s pretending to be an infant.

Apparently there’s a whole gaggle of such folks. You know. Adults who pretend to be babies. They’re called (get this) adult babies. And you might be surprised to learn of the extremes to which they’re willing to go to live the infant life.

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Are All Men’s Rights Advocates Like Dilbert Creator Scott Adams?

Scott Adams isn't down with the ladies.

Dilbert creator Scott Adams started quite the controversy earlier this month when he took to his blog to throw in his two cents on “men’s rights,” a topic he described as “surprisingly good” because it was “dangerous, relevant and not overdone.” Adams was two for three in his assessment. The men’s rights movement is relevant in that many are aware of it. And he, himself, would go on to prove just how dangerous the topic can be. “Not overdone,” however? I can’t give him that one, if for no other reason than his post, itself, was just that — overdone. And over the top with shockingly disparaging remarks about women. Exhibit A: his explanation behind the men’s right assertion that women are treated differently (and more favorably) than men:

“The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It’s just easier this way for everyone. You don’t argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn’t eat candy for dinner. You don’t punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first.”

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Woman Tracks Down Estranged Father: Becomes Pregnant with His Child

Talk about taking the phrase "Who's your daddy?" to a whole new level.

It’s your typical story, really. A woman decides to try to find her estranged birth father, a man she’s never met. Against the odds she succeeds and her efforts are rewarded with love. A love which soon manifests itself in the form of a child. As in the father’s child. With the daughter. Whom he impregnated. (There’s a Mackenzie Phillips joke in there somewhere that I’m not quite clever enough to pull off.)

Now, look, folks. I know this may come off as little more than me being all “old-school,” but typically speaking, I frown upon incest.

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10 Tips for New Dads

Fatherhood — it's going to be great.

Babble asked me to help then with a slide show that is up today. I really think it turned out well. The pictures are cool. The copy is quirky. And within it all, there’s a nice nugget or two to share with folks who are about to have a baby for the first time. I hope you’ll take a peek at it and if you know anyone who is about to be a parent for the first time, please forward it to them!

To check it out, click HERE.

5 Reasons I Would Never Publicly Compare and Contrast My Children

It's not a contest, but if it were, it'd be a tie.

The other day, Kate wrote a post on Being Pregnant in which she openly admitted that she loved her 20-month-old son “just a little more” than her 3-year-old daughter. Her essay read like a collection of deeply private thoughts which had accidentally found their way to the most public of forums. In them, she painted an idealistic picture of her son which contrasted starkly with the defiant one she offered of her daughter.

And while I’m not here to lambast Kate for publicly comparing and contrasting her children, I am here to offer five reasons why I would never do the same.

Seeing Yourself The Way Your Children Do

The Velveteen Rabbit teaches us how.

I had an exchange the other day with a friend I’d not spoken to in quite some time. Our conversation centered around the fortieth birthday she was about to “celebrate.” I put celebrate in quotes because the mother of two will do anything but. She admitted in no uncertain terms just how mightily she was dreading the occasion — struggling with it, even.

When I asked her why, she told me she was afraid of losing her edge. She didn’t ever want there to come a day when she wasn’t considered attractive anymore. It was harder than ever for her to “keep her figure.” She no longer had the same amount of energy as she used to. Each day of never-ending subservience to her young children was blending into the next. She felt rundown. And what’s worse, whenever she spied her own image looking back at her from a full-length mirror, she believed that she looked rundown. Especially compared to the way she looked just a few years ago.

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St. Valentine and Cupid: The Skinny About Valentine’s Day

St. Valentine

The other day, my daughter asked me a question that stopped me cold in my tracks. “Why do we even celebrate Valentine’s Day, anyway?” The greed of Hallmark executives didn’t sound like the answer she was looking for, so I took to the interwebs to find my answer, and from the best I can tell, Valentine’s Day comes down to two people: St. Valentine and Cupid.

Let’s start with St. Valentine. Who is he? And what was so romantic about him that he got an entire love-celebrating holiday named after him?

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