NYC Nanny Killings: Personalizing the Tragedy

A mom takes her three year old to a swim lesson and comes back to find that her two other children have been fatally stabbed, allegedly by the family nanny. I finish reading the story, then close out of the window and walk away from the computer, hoping it’s that simple to escape. But it’s not. It stays with me for the rest of the night.

And nothing else matters.

I go to bed, but sleep doesn’t come easily. I’m too busy thinking about the Krims.

The next morning on my way to the office, I remember something about the story — something quite inconsequential, but something that gives me pause nonetheless. The second I get in front of my desktop, I check to see if my memory has deceived me.

It has not.

Read more over at BabbleVoices by clicking HERE

Some Thoughts From our Car Seats

Dear John and Caroline:

Get over yourselves.

OH, I know. Having triplets has been kinda tough. Good Lord do I ever know. It’s pretty much all y’all ever talk about.  And I get it — to an extent at least. I mean, a lot of people think buckling and unbuckling one infant multiple times throughout the day is a pain. So buckling and unbuckling three is obviously three times the hassle.

But while you strain your back to securely click in Little Darlings 1, 2 and 3, I’m not exactly whistling Dixie over here. I mean, HELLO? I’m the one who’s actually keeping your kids safe, for crying out loud. Oh, sure, you keep your trio safe, too, but in that safekeeping process at least you don’t get ABUSED like I do.

To read more, head over to Babble by CLICKING HERE

Road Trips — Man vs Wife Edition [Video]

First — WOW, hello? Blog much? Sorry for the radio silence. Crazy stretch for me lately.

But second, and more important, I’ve got a treat for you today. You know how I weaseled my way into getting paid to blog at places like Babble, TLC, YahooShine and Disney? Well, now I’ve weaseled my way into getting paid to post a few video blogs. You’ve seen some of my videos, right? Like the one where I interviewed Caroline while 36 weeks pregnant? In a bathing suit? (I do NOT recommend that any of you guys out there try that one. After all, I’m a trained professional. And a far bigger jackass than all y’all combined.)

Well, that’s what these will be like — that whole feisty banter thing we do. Kinda like Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt on Mad About You, only with a hint of southern charm, right? Anyway, there’ll be six of them between now and the end of the year. The series is called According to the Osbornes and this first one’s about road trips. GOOD. TIMES. Actually road trips aren’t much fun for us. But they are funny as you’ll see from the video. (And Caroline is puh-RICELESS in it…)

So head on over to Babble to see what I mean by CLICKING HERE.

The Triplets Are Repeating Each Other. You Copy?

We’ve reached a reasonably annoying stage here at the Osborne house. The repeating stage. You copy?

You better not. Copy, that is. Because if you do, I’ll send your ass to time out just like I did the triplets.

So lemme backup a bit and provide a little context. The triplets just turned five and I don’t know if it’s their ever expanding vocabulary or what, but it seems they’ve taken to copying each other. One of them will say something, then one of the other two will say the exact same thing, intonations and all.

So, first, they’re pretty damn good at it, the whole intonation bit being a particularly nice touch. But second, such mimicking is invariably met by the following:

Read more at BabbleVoices by clicking HERE

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15 Things I’ve Learned from the Triplets

The triplets turned five this past weekend and, like any parent who watches his or her children grow up, I’m so proud of the little people they continue to become. And that’s just it — they continue to become their own little people. More and more each day, in fact.

Ever notice how I don’t really write much about Alli? I mean, sure, I’ll go 30,000 feet on her and maybe pen something like 15 Things Every Stepparent Should Know, but I don’t tell a lot of specific stories about her and the reason’s simple:

Alli’s a big girl and her stories aren’t mine to tell. There hers.

And the triplets are pretty much right there, too. That’s why I’ll continue to tell fewer and fewer stories about them the older they get. But this one’s kinda like the one about being a stepparent. It’s more about the things I’ve learned from them than it is about the triplets, themselves.

Anyway, I’m rambling, so I’ll just shut up now and drop you the link. If you ‘d like to read, head over to Disney by clicking HERE.

Photo: family friend Beth Lankler

Conspicuous Consumption: 10 Things That Children Totally Waste

Sorry it’s been a while since I posted here. It’s been a hectic past little bit, but today I come to you with a little something I wrote for Babble.

One thing I’ve noticed as a parent — kids waste stuff. To an alarming degree, in fact. And they usually do it because whatever it is they’re wasting is “fun to use.” Like band aids.

I know what a blast. To find out what the other nine are, please click HERE.

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Some thoughts while we wait for the other shoe to drop

I meant to share this the day I posted it to Disney, but I kinda forgot. So, anyway, sorry for just now putting it up. Double sorry if you’re on my Facebook feed and have already seen this. Still, I wanted to share in case you’d not come across it because, to be frank, I really liked it. It’s a fictitious letter to my son which, on its surface, is encouraging him to take his first steps. But it’s really about so much more.

If you’d like to read, please click HERE.

The Secret to My Toothbrushing Coercion

And there were three primary ways I accomplished that: (a) under-promising but over-delivering, (b) illustrating the benefits to be gained from the use of my products and services and (c) finding win-win situations.

Oddly, it’s those same three principals I find myself using over and over as I try to sell my kids on things that are ultimately for their own good. And last night was a perfect example.

To read more of this sponsored post, please click HERE.

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7 Things You Should NOT Discuss With Parents of Triplets


You know what I wonder? Whether anyone has every used the phrase “ass-wiping Octopi” before.

Because I used it in this piece I wrote yesterday. And I gotta tell you — it felt really, really good. Because this was a rant post. Only, I’m not mad at anyone. I was just in the throes of this big ol’ writer’s block and busted out of it with a bit of an attitude. So my apologies in advance.

If you’d like to read up on the 7 things you really shouldn’t mention to parents of triplets, click HERE to read over at Babble. (Just make sure you’ve got a big ol’ grain of salt with you.)

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8 Tips for Making Great Home Movies

I love making videos. Some of my favorites are the ones I do with Caroline — like this quirky little number that we called Valentine’s Day: According to the Osbornes. In it, I may or may not have criticized her driving. It’s so hard for me to recall petty little details such as that.

Anyway, two big developments on the video front — first, starting soon, I’ll be doing them for hire and embedding them on another site. These efforts will also be uploaded to a YouTube channel, but not my own — instead, one belonging to a brand name we all know and love. But second, and equally as exciting — I get to do them with Caroline which means these videos will showcase that feisty, banter thing we do. You know, kinda like Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser albeit with a southern twist.

More on that soon, but for now, I wanted point you to a post I just wrote for Babble that you might find useful if you’re (a) interested in making home movies or (b) interested in making even better home movies than you’re already making. If that sounds like you, click on THIS LINK to read 8 Tips for Making Great Home Movies.

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