I’m on TV Tonight

Ktown peeps — please tune in to the WVLT 6 o’clock news tonight. At, um, 6 o’clock.

Why? Because my brood and I will be featured during one of the segments. You see, the one and only Michele Silva was kind enough to stop by mi casa earlier today. But not only that. She was also brave enough to stay! For like an entire, or something. I’m happy to report that she survived the encounter without sustaining even so much as a scratch.

Her cameraman, however, is rumored to have suffered a broken pinkie toe during a bizarre hit-and-run encounter with Monster, who accidentally ran over Silva’s sidekick while hauling ass on his scooter through our (furniture-less) living room. (Okay, that last bit was bogus, but it easily could have happened. Right, Nate?)

But seriously — watch it if you can. Michele said the segment turned out really well. We talked about all kinds of things including my book and “the video” the “Greatest Dad in the World” contest.

I want to repeat one thing loud and clear. I don’t even think I’m the greatest dad on my street, much less the greatest dad in the world, but I do hope I win. Because if I do, I’m donating the entire $2,000 first prize to ChildHelp.org, a leading national non-profit which benefits the victims of child abuse and neglect.

By clicking on the icon below, then clicking on “vote,” you’ll help me make that donation a reality. And, remember, you can one time EVERY SINGLE DAY! Currently, I’m in second place — but don’t give up on me! I have a feeling I’m gonna pull it out.

The Goldsmith And My Sister

Before molding his precious metal, the goldsmith must first melt it down until the material becomes ideal to work with. The gold reaches that point only when the goldsmith is finally able to see his reflection staring back at him each and every time he casts his patient gaze upon it. When this occurs, he’ll take possession of the metal, then carefully create the form in which it will forever remain.

It appears as if the Goldsmith is satisfied, indeed, with my sister. I have no doubt that He’s able to see the reflection of His likeness whenever He looks deep within her soul. As such, He’ll finally turn down the heat. Throughout the years, however, He has melted her time and time again, but Holliday never complained. She simply endured, and as she did, all who witnessed were warmed by the glow of her bravery and determination.

[Read more…]

Yarn Spinning 101

Today’s Thursday, and that means it should be time for another JCO or JC NO. You know, when I relay some weird story and you decide whether it’s true or not. Only I’ve done little other than work with PJ Mullen on revamping my website during the past week, which has left no time for me to write this week’s installment. But I still thought I should at least comment on last week’s tale.

If you tuned in, you read my account of the days back in college when I’d serve as a loquacious decoy who would distract convenient store clerks by bullshitting aimlessly with them while my friends “de-boarded” diet cokes from their twelve-pack containers before replacing them with twelve Old Milwaukee’s Light Bests — all so we could purchase beer in coke’s clothing on Sundays, when, of course, beer sales weren’t allowed on Hilton Head Island, SC.

Y’all were split on this one, though a little more than half of you who commented didn’t believe the story. And I don’t blame you. It was so unbelievable to me, that I actually had to call one of my co-horts to confirm that we did, in fact, stoop to such lows during that era. Regrettably, my friend was happy to do just that. Which means, as implausible as it sounds, the tale is a true one.

Props to web-designer extraordinaire and all around talented guy, PJ Mullen, along with Wendy Wisniewski, Patrick, and WeaselMomma for getting it right. But a special shout out to a fifth person who also got it right — SeattleDad — for the sound logic that led him the the correct answer. “College kids,” he commented “will do about anything for beer.”

No argument here, counselor.

Next Thursday, I’ll return with yet another questionable tale and let y’all be the judge as to whether or not it’s fact or fiction. But before I sign off, I’d like to give special props to my boy, Dad of Divas, who was so convinced I was telling the truth in the first JCO or JC NO (Calamities in Call Screening) the he said if I was, indeed, fibbing, he’d give me the Mark Twain Yarn Spinning Award, whatever the hell that meant. Call me sensitive, but I thought his remark was a thinly veiled insult akin to “pathological liar.” Until he emailed me this.

DOD — you may be a ball-buster, my friend, but you are, indeed, a man of your word. Thank you for my award. Y’all go visit DOD. He’s a great guy with a great site.

Final note — thanks to all who voted for me in the Man of the House “World’s Greatest Dad” contest. Honestly? I don’t even consider myself the greatest dad on my street, much less the greatest dad in the world, but I’m still hopeful I’ll win. Because if I do, I will donate the entire $2,000 prize money to ChildHelp.org, a leading national non-profit which benefits the victims of child abuse and neglect. I may not be the world’s greatest dad, but I am a good dad, and sometimes a good dad does what he can for kids who have dads who aren’t very good at all.

I hope you’ll help me in that cause by clicking THIS LINK, then clicking the vote icon. It will literally only take you five seconds (unless you wanna watch my video). Even if you voted yesterday, you’re allowed to vote once every twenty-four hours, so please consider voting again. Thanks!

World’s Greatest Dad

No. I'M the world's greatest dad. You're just some punk about the scream "uncle."

Greetings, all. My “Where’s Mommy?” video has been entered in a contest put on by a the fantastic folks over at Man of the House — the “World’s Greatest Dad” contest. And while I don’t even consider myself the greatest dad i my neighborhood, much less my world, I am hoping to win. Why? Because if I do, I’m donating 100% of the prize money to charity.

And that means that ChildHelp.org — a leading national nonprofit which benefits victims of child abuse and neglect — would get $2,000.00. In this depressed economy, I know each donation is valued even that much more. So please help me raise a nice chunk of change for a great cause without so much as spending a dime!

This will literally take you five seconds. Two keystrokes. First, click this link to get to my video:


Then click on the “vote” icon. BOOM. Done.

You can vote one time per day between now and October 22, so I hope you’ll vote a few times between now and then. And if you like this idea of donating two grand to a foundation which helps children who really need it in communities all across the country, then I hope you’ll share this post with your network of friends via one of the social network icons that appear on the left side of this page.

Thanks, y’all!

PS — Like my new look? Hope so. PJ Mullen, the good man behind Real Men Drive Minivans, is to thank for it. If your site needs a facelift, he comes with my highest recommendation. Don’t forget to grab my feed if you wanna keep following me. Though I have the same address, the feed did change. Same thing if you were getting posts delivered to you via email! Thanks for reading!

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Heads Up

Just a quick note to let y’all know that I’m in the process of revamping my site. During the transition, there may be a day or two when you have to access my blog via http://johncaveosborne.WORDPRESS.com instead of http://johncaveosborne.com. [Read more…]

A Pack of Those D Batteries, Too, Please

Today’s Thursday, and that means it’s time for yet another installment of JCO or JC NO, where I spin the yarn and you decide whether the story I relay is fact (JCO) or fiction (JC NO). To see if you were right, come back next week when I will give you the skinny before delivering the next JCO or JC NO. SO, last week’s deplorable tale of me poaching food off the tables I bussed as a Fuddruckers’ employee? The overwhelming majority of you suspected that to be true.

[Read more…]

Three Years Ago Today

I barged into the room with a purpose, but couldn’t remember for the life of me what that purpose was until I saw the familiar red banner of the USA Today sports section. Birthday or not, the world of college football stops for no one. I hadn’t planned on watching any of the action that day, but I was such a bag of nerves that I desperately needed a distraction. After reviewing the docket of games, I decided to place a small wager on one of them—a symbolic fifty dollar bet that I was sure to win. For that day was a lucky one—it was three of my four children’s birthday. Auburn catching seventeen points against Florida at The Swamp was my selection. [Read more…]

Ten Seconds of Goodness

Lovie took Pook to soccer practice the other night which left yours truly in charge of the wee threesome. Only they’re not so wee anymore. Our little guys are almost three! [Read more…]

But She Looked Like a Clean Person

So it’s Thursday, and that means it’s time for the second installment of JCO or JC NO, where I, John Cave Osborne, tell you, (state your name) a story which is either fact or fiction. Should you feel so inclined, leave a comment telling me if you think what I’ve written is legit (JCO) or bogus (JC NO). Then come back next Thursday to see if you were right. [Read more…]

Lindsay Lohan Work Release Program

Lindsay Lohan at Calvin Klein Spring 2007 Fash...

Image via Wikipedia

Li-Lo — courtesy of wikipedia

By now, I’m sure y’all have heard about Lindsay Lohan’s recent setback. Scant weeks removed from a two-week stint in the poky, the troubled starlet suddenly finds herself dangerously close to being locked up yet again after violating her probation by testing positive for cocaine and amphetamines. [Read more…]

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