Share Your Bleachable Moments and Win $25,000 From Clorox

The following post is sponsored by Clorox, which, coincidentally, may as well sponsor our stain-ridden lives as much as we’ve come to depend on them.

Okay, quick disclaimer here. I’m far from an expert when it comes to keeping things all neat and tidy. That’s my wife’s deal. She’s got this entire system that she effortlessly employs. Okay, that’s a lie. Her system requires preposterous amounts of effort. She only makes it look effortless. But still, it’s a system, alright. One which keeps our entire household as clean as a whistle, though, presumably not one of the nasty, saliva-encrusted plastic whistles the triplets constantly have lodged in their germ-ridden mouths.

Regardless, Caroline is a clutter-eliminating, filth-eradicating life saver. But you know what else she is?

A laundry-room ninja, as a significant part of the aforementioned system focuses on keeping all our brights bright and our whites white. Sure. She’s got the front-loading, state-of-the art washer-dryer tandem, equipped with fancy-dancy LED monitors which constantly emit communicative chirps and beeps that would leave even R2D2 a touch verklempt.

But it goes way beyond that, as evidenced by all the different-sized toothbrushes which reside in the green plastic cup. They team up with her trusty Clorox Bleach Pen to make quick work of any and all stains, each intended for a different and specific culprit — culprits which range from grass to mustard.

It was my wife who first popped into my mind when Clorox asked if I’d be interested in checking out their Bleach It Away Facebook Page. After all, it sounded like a concept Caroline would absolutely love. But the second thought that popped into my mind?

Boy did they ever ask the right guy.

Because I, my friends, have five kids, including four-year-old triplets and an infant. So bleaching away various and sundry stains is an Osborne pastime without rival. Well, with the possible exception of watching Caillou, but I digress. Still, if my family is an expert in anything, it would certainly be stains.

Plus, misery loves company, so I thought it’d be fun to commiserate with all the other poor saps whose lives are riddled with messy mishaps. Which is exactly what Clorox’s clever and entertaining Bleach It Away Facebook Page page has allowed me to do. Because the page showcases an incredible collection of unfortunate and often hilarious stories told by folks like you and me which detail one stained moment after another.

You should check it out by clicking HERE. Because if your household is anything like mine, you’ll easily relate to many of the Bleachable Moments you read about. At least I sure did.

For example, the ones about nasty, funk-inducing stains on the inside of kitchen trash cans conjured up images of the boys’ hastily discarded “dead worm collection.”

The tales of adorable dogs with bathroom issues that are anything but? Check and double check. For more on that, search my blog for “urine-soaked hardwood.” Or simply remind me sometime to tell you about the time I used Clorox to bleach away the stain and stench of Briggs‘ impressive effort in the back of my SUV. An effort that went undetected for 24 hours. In the dead heat of summer.

Not. Good.

Stories of toddlers and fruit juice? Been there done that. Twice today, in fact. And it’s only noon.

Wine on countertops? Check and double check. (How do you think Caroline and I cope with all of this? Remember: it’s tacky to judge.)

I even read a story or two about women who are constantly bleaching the stain-ridden wake of their messy better halves. (That’s right. I went with better halves to make up for the public shaming these men were subjected to.)

Before I realized it, I’d burned 30 minutes reading the hysterical Bleach It Away stories. And you will, too. Just don’t get so lost that you fail to recognize that this is more than just a virtual show-and-tell. There are prizes to win just for participating. Simply submit your own Bleachable Moment, and you’re guaranteed to get $0.50 off of regular Clorox bleach. If your story is chosen as that day’s “awkward moment,” then you’ll get a $100 dollar gift card.

And if your messy moment is one of the 32 finalists, then who knows? You might just end up winning $25,000!

What’s funny is that the Bleach It Away stories made me realize that it had actually been a while since we’d last experienced one of our notoriously gross mishaps.

No sooner had that thought crossed my mind when I heard Caroline hyperventilating by the kitchen window.

“What’s wrong, honey?”

“THAT!” she said, her face void of color, her finger shaking as it pointed out the window.

Being the excellent husband I am, I ran outside to investigate and this is what I found:

Followed by this:

Maybe it’s not that bad, I thought. I mean, Alli was clearly caked in mud, but the triplets didn’t look all that dirty, right?

Wrong. (By the way, Caroline’s slippers are worth noting.)

So Caroline fainted, which is no biggie because the smelling salts almost always work, and once they did their trick, she issued a stern order which was followed quickly and without protest:

There may or may not have been a hose involved. Tough to say. Details are hazy. (Remember, it’s tacky to judge.)

So you can guess what happened next. The toothbrush treatment. And the whites (including the underwear, which somehow got muddy, too) got the exceedingly rare toothbrush / Clorox pen / Clorox Bleach trifecta.

Which means that, fortunately, this Bleachable Moment ended happily, though it did leave me with one question: Why did we buy this…

when apparently all we really needed was this:

So there you have it. Our most recent Bleachable Moment. What’s yours? Click over to Clorox’s Bleach It Away Facebook Page and let them know. It might just earn you $25,000. And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty comfortable with that kind of money laundering.

Or, if you’re more the voyeuristic type (don’t worry…I’m not judging…that’d be tacky…), you should still pay them a visit and vote for your favorite story.

A huge thank you to Clorox for sponsoring this post. (And helping out with the mud.)

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.