The Return of Date Night

Date night, of course, means that someone’s gotta tend to Grand Finale…

Good News — Caroline and I are going out on a date tonight.
Bad News — I can’t remember the last time we went out on a date.

Good News — Caroline’s good at remembering stuff like that. So I asked her.
Bad News — Caroline did, indeed, remember and had this to say: “It was in December and you were a total jackass because your eyes were glued to that stupid football game the entire night.”

In my defense, it was the SEC Championship Game, so I sorta had to watch it. Plus, I laid the points and took the Tigers, and the number was in jeopardy until the very end of the third quarter.

Good News — I bet I totally make up for said jackassery because there’s no football game on TV tonight.
Bad News — There’s no football game on TV tonight.

Good News — We may not even need a sitter for the triplets and Grand Finale. (Pookie’s at her dad’s.) I mean, the triplets are extremely mature for three-year-olds and they’ve each shown genuine interest in tending to their little brother as the picture above would attest. So they could totally babysit. Plus, having the trio watch Grand Finale would sorta be like killing two (or four) birds with one stone.
Bad News — I think most would agree that allowing toddler triplets to babysit a week-old infant isn’t the best idea.

Good News — We have super kick-ass monitors with incredible range so we could hear if anything were to go awry and then could scurry home that very instant.
Bad News — I bet that we go to this place we go to a lot, a place we like very much, but a place that has this stupid policy where they limit their patrons’ cell phone usage to certain areas, presumably because some people are annoying when they talk on their cell phones in public and this place is trying curtail that annoyance. But, when you think about it, what they’re really trying to do is legislate taste which, of course, is impossible. And by trying to legislate taste, all they’re really doing is penalizing their tasteful patrons who regularly exercise proper cell-phone etiquette. And some of those tasteful patrons just might have a child or two, or five for that matter, and would therefore wanna be totally accessible whenever they’re enjoying a rare evening away from their brood, regardless of where, exactly, they happen to be within this establishment. (Not that I’ve given the matter much thought.) SO, given their strict cell-phone policy, I can only imagine that they’d frown upon the use of a baby monitor. Prudes.

Good News — I’m totally joking about the triplets keeping Grand Finale. We have a legitimate sitter lined up.
Bad News — I’m also totally joking about our monitors. They suck to the point that they barely work.

Good News — It doesn’t matter that they barely work because we won’t be dealing with them tonight — the sitter will. Because, again, Caroline and I are going out on a date tonight.
Bad News — The I-Don’t-Have-Anything-to-Wear Sweepstakes began last night and has continued off-and-on all day.

Good News — Caroline could wear a burlap sack and she’d still look beautiful.
Bad News — I told her that and she thought the “burlap sack” reference meant that I thought she should wear loose-fitting clothes because she looks fat on account of the pregnancy.

Good News — I think no such thing. Caroline recovers from pregnancy quicker than most women recover from the common cold and, again, I told her that.
Bad News — Caroline thinks I’m…how does she put it again?… full of shit.

Good News — I’m not full of shit. Wait, I might be. I mean if I’m full of shit, then whenever I claim to not be full of shit, I might be just saying that because I am, indeed, full of shit. Still, with regard to this particular matter, I contend that I’m not full of shit. I’m full of excitement. Because tonight I get to go out on a rare date with my beautiful wife.
Bad News — There ain’t no bad news about that. None at all.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • DCUrbanDad

    Date night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • John Cave Osborne

      next time, we’re coming up to DC and going out with you and DC UrbanMom. how fun would that be?

  • Eric D. Bolton

    I have a better chance of finding Hoffa than finding a sitter to watch the kids in Boltonshire.  Does your sitter travel?

    and is Hoffa still a valid reference now a days?  Should I have gone more 2011?  Like for the Jersey Shore and Teen Mom generation?

    Congrats on Date Night

    • John Cave Osborne

      if you left a comment which referenced Jersey Shore, i’m afraid we’ve have a situation on our hands. and i’m w/ heather… the Hoffa reference was priceless. KUDOS.

  • Patrick (yeah, that one)

    It looks like it’s all good news from here, my brother. :-)  And not just because you’re right about Caroline being gorgeous no matter what. :-)  Hope you had a good date night!

  • heather patton reyda

    i could not finish this. i got stopped at “it was the sec championship”…..before i lay blame. i must know. who the hell decided date night on the night of the sec championship was a good idea. i mean, sadly, it would be a great date night for me. but i am probably the exception to the girl/college football/date night rule.

  • heather patton reyda

    eric- love the hoffa reference. wouldn’t have gotten the others. 

    • John Cave Osborne

      eric always good for a strong reference. he authors a fantastic blog, too. you should check him out. i’ll FB you his link. he’s a great guy. also, not sure how that whole date night / SEC Championship Game went down, but suffice it to say whatever happened, it was my fault. jackassery usually rears it’s ugly head when it comes to me and my sports…

  • Cindy

    I think you forgot an important one John.

    GOOD NEWS – Caroline is beautiful.  We have a fancy date night planned, with just the two of us.

    BAD NEWS – The Bang Bang Train still shouldn’t enter the station.

    First thing I thought of….silly me.


    • John Cave Osborne

      Lord have mercy, Cindy. YOU are SO right. i cannot BELIEVE i failed to write something along those lines. b/c it’s so true. you NAILED it!

  • Anonymous

    I hope your date night was fantastic! Aren’t date nights wonderful?

    • John Cave Osborne

      yes. date nights are wonderful. yet they also sorta make coming home tough sometimes! and thanks. it was a great night…

  • SarahB

    Ha!  My exact thought at the end of the post was that the only bad news as the six-week wait!  Glad I’m not the only one.

    I read this post to my husband–I am on couch while he makes breakfast, good man!–and at the burlap sack point he said, “Man, we guys should just shut our pie holes,” and I made a comment about hormonal women’s boundless potential to find criticism in anything our poor partners say.  

    Which is worse, John, a week before or week after birth?  Or am I setting you up for trouble by even asking? My darling husband could use some encouragement.

    • John Cave Osborne

      okay, first off, kudos to your hubby for making you breakfast. second: YES. men should shut their pie holes. often. third: re: hormones — your question reminds me of a little story. when the triplets were infants, C and i would often reach our wits’ end. during one such time, a friend of mine actually had the gall to say the following to me: “you think it’s tough now. just wait til their toddlers. infants are a breeze compared to toddlers.” had the exchange not taken place over the phone, there woulda been a fist fight. and i woulda kicked his ass. period. because that was the last thing i needed to hear at that particular time. what i needed to hear was “dude, hang in there. thinkin’ about you, man.”

      SO, now comes the question of which is worse — the week before or the week after a pregnancy — a questions whose answer will likely be shared with your hubby, a man who “could use some encouragement.” so what am i to do, here? hmm? tell him how hard toddlerhood is, or just say “dude, hang in there. thinkin’ about you, man.”

      i asked C the question and we both laughed out loud. hard. and off and on for a while. like 10 minutes or so. that said, after putting our heads together, here is our final answer which you can feel free to share with your man:

      “they’re both tough. and they’re both part of the perfectly imperfect process. the spirit behind the gesture of making you breakfast? keep plugging into that and you’ll both be fine, no matter what!”

      y’all sound like a total blast. GL this week and keep us posted, okay?

  • muskrat

    We used to put the kids to bed and then go party at our neighbors’ house with the monitor all the time.  Then again, we were in a cul-de-sac, so we had lots of options for homes to visit that were within range. 

    Another trick we employed was taking the monitor to the next door neighbors’ house after the children were asleep, and then we’d go out to dinner or whatever.  This works great…as long as you trust the neighbors with your house key, alarm code, and your children!

    • John Cave Osborne

      dude, that’s hysterical b/c we had neighbors who used to do the same thing. bring their monitor and have cocktails w/ us on our deck. that was pre-triplets. both of your tricks are good ones, except if we gave our neighbors a monitor and a key to our house, alarm code, etc… they’d be in there so often that we’d probably feel guilty about it.