Dude. Would this not make the most awesome profile pic ever? Image: deltaMike via Creative Commons
You know what I absolutely cannot stand? When I’m totally engaged in a felonious activity only to realize that my dumb ass has run off and left my smartphone in the car. Nothing, I mean nothing, annoys me quite like that. Because how else would I keep all my buddies up to speed on my nefarious activities? Sure, they could wait for the 6 o’clock news, or whatever, but that’s so 2004.
Just ask Jason Valdez. He knows. Because he’s the 36-year-old man who updated his Facebook status multiple times inside a Salt Lake City hotel room during a 16-hour standoff with authorities while holding a woman hostage.
Not that I blame him. Because if we’re being honest, I think we’d all admit that those standoff-with-the-police deals can get a touch tedious. But if you’ve got your phone, you can kill all kinds of time by checking your Twitter stream, rocking a blog post or two, and, of course, by updating your FB profile which Valdez managed to do six times. He even picked up a dozen new Facebook friends along the way—not too shabby for the social-media-savvy multi tasker.
My favorite of his status updates was a picture of himself alongside his hostage. Check that, two pictures—one in which he sports a white hat followed by one without it. It seems as if he knew his hostage as he refers to her by name in one of his updates (as does at least one of his commenters) and she also appeared calm in both pictures.
Many friends clicked “like” on his updates. Others chimed in with wonderful words of support, like: “Jdogg I Love Your Ass Nigguh!!” and “Its an honor to call u my homie love and respect.” No word on whether or not anyone “poked” him, but I’m guessing not. After all, you don’t go around pokin’ someone with a gun.
The ordeal ended when a SWAT team stormed his room at approximately 9:05 am Saturday morning, roughly 90 minutes after his last status update. Police never fired, but Valdez reportedly shot himself in the chest with a handgun. His condition was listed as critical. Thankfully, Valdez’s hostage was unharmed.
Police are still trying to decide whether or not to charge some of the commenters with obstruction of justice, as at least one of them told Valdez to “stay low” in light of a gunner who was hiding in the bushes outside the hotel.