Accidentally Pissing Off Legions of Pregnant Women

Hypnobirthing does, too, work you HUSSIE.

Usually, the only pregnant woman I piss off is my wife. Like the time I accidentally called her fat. And old. Or the time I let everyone know that the, um, bang-bang train left the station at week 24.

Yet today, I accidentally pissed off legions of pregnant women over at Babble. Or so I gathered by the comments left on Babble’s FB page, many of which referred to me as an “arrogant man.” The one I quote below? She didn’t call me an arrogant man, but she did call me a “man” (gasp) and even went so far as to pity my wife for merely being married to me. Check it out:

Obvouse that this was written by a man, kinda of insulting to say the least the way it was written. I feel bad for his wife though 4 plus one on the way yikes.

Such an enlightened and well thought out critique has left me devastated. Humiliated, even, yet not to the extent I might be were I the one rocking the third-grade grammar. (Pretty “obvouse” that someone needs a little Hooked on Phonics.)

Indeed, all this negativity because I had the audacity to write a tongue-in-cheek post that suggested that there were 5 different types of pregnant women. Boy have I learned my lesson.

Okay, that’s bullshit. I totally haven’t learned my lesson. Because I’m arrogant.

And a man. An arrogant man.

But take pity on me, I beg of you. Because I’m also a self-professed idiot. Well, not a grammatical idiot like ol’ Ms. Obvouse over there. But an idiot nonetheless. Should you wanna read this idiot’s assessment of the 5 different types of pregnant women, click here.

Image: stock.xchng

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • http://www.perfectingparenthood.com Alex | Perfecting Dad

    And yet I remember so clearly your post on Scott Adams.  How interesting that you are in exactly the same position with exactly the same criticism and exactly the same response to criticism  :)   The fickle hordes are not loyal.  They forgot already that you helped hold the torch that burned another comedic author.

    • Anonymous

      interesting. i think it’s a stretch, but interesting. i don’t think the jokes i made are nearly as incendiary as the ones Scott Adams made. i’ll be the first to tell you this, however: i don’t know BOO about scott adams. i hate the cartoon dilbert and have never read a word of his writing. i was guilty of reading takes from places like Salon and didn’t realize that Adams was joking.

      another key difference is this, and you can quote me here: i don’t care one bit if people misconstrue that. you’ll never see it taken down, even if the taking down was supposedly (in Adam’s case) a meta joke.

      nonetheless, i’m coming full circle by saying “interesting.”

      • http://www.perfectingparenthood.com Alex | Perfecting Dad

        Everyone thinks their jokes are funny, that’s why they tell them :)   My view it’s almost the same, though the scale is hugely different obviously:  You got 15 comments, he probably got 150,000 all over the Internet.  I betcha if someone forwards your post to the right person and they throw up a big smear post on you then it could go viral too.

        1)  Adams writes a piece making fun of men who want to start a movement (he does it by indirectly making fun of feminism), you make fun of pregnant women directly.
        2)  The hordes get insulted and rain unexpected retaliation.
        3)  Both you and Adams writes a follow up saying “Whoa, WTF, it was a joke, now if you’re going to complain about it at least write something smart!”

        Anyway, I’m not insulted on behalf of my pregnant wife.  I actually thought it was a funny post that you wrote.  I don’t understand why people need to gang up.  Neither you nor Adams is out there oppressing anyone, so why do they believe that you are starting today.  Actually, I think you aren’t known as a comedic author so perhaps they assume you are being serious, but why assume that Adams wrote a single serious piece out of all the comedy he writes?

        For my own information, why do you hate the Dilbert comic strip?  I think this is the best comic strip out there since probably Far Side, or ever.

        • Anonymous

          alex, i like you. i think you’re smart, but there are also things that you simply don’t seem to get. for example, i didn’t write this post to defend myself. i wrote this post tell people about something i think is funny. i think the criticism i’m getting is funny. plus, if you read the comments, they’re now about half and half people who were offended v. people who were amused. another reason why, while i find your scott adams comment interesting, i also find it a stretch.

          also, i’m pretty sure that all you’ve really ever read is my stuff over at Babble b/c anyone who has read my blog for a long time before i started writing at Babble and other places would probably tell you that humor is a big part of what i do.

          Yet your point on Scott Adams and why would he write just one serious piece is a valid one.

          not sure why i don’t like Dilbert. just never have. i really appreciate your comments…

          • http://www.perfectingparenthood.com Alex | Perfecting Dad

            Thanks for implying that I don’t get things, or that I don’t know you write comedy sometimes, or that I just haven’t been around the block — I feel that you’re trying to belittle me or put me in my place as if I’d attacked you.  I am now disappointed because I was enjoying the opportunity for a fun conversation.  FYI:  I subscribed to your site, that’s how I got to this post, not from babble.  I don’t read 90% of babble anymore because it’s endlessly produced content aimed at other readers besides me.

            As far as our conversation, I was only pointing out something that I found mildly funny, worth writing two or three lines about — the parallel, however vague.  Now you’re taking me very seriously like I’m writing a doctoral thesis.  I tried to add smileys.  I don’t give a rat’s butt about who hates Adams or who hates you and I only very mildly care whether either of you was fairly on unfairly judged or judged at all and I’m certainly not qualified or interested in casting judgement.  I didn’t like Adams’ post, but I didn’t think it was as earth-shattering as everyone said it was.  I liked your post.  Fine, if it’s totally opposite then it’s totally opposite.  I feel now like I should never have wasted the time to read or comment.  In fact, the better part of me wants me to hit delete on this waste-of-time comment that is likely to earn me another “Oh look at what the cute moron wrote.”

            Again, I’m disappointed that you don’t want to play along, or at the very least if you think I’m doing something wrong then coach me as you’ve obviously been doing this a lot longer than I have.  Have a little compassion for the new guy.

          • Anonymous

            i don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. i just didn’t agree with all of your points. i thought that by going back and forth, i was “playing along.”

  • Annette W

    If  they knew you, they would love you.

    • Anonymous

      i dunno about that, my friend. i have a feeling the “haters” on that particular post aren’t exactly my cup of tea. i dare say that i’d fall into that same category for them. YOU, however, ARE my cup of tea. and i great appreciate your comment!

  • Anonymous

    JCO, I’d like to think I take your writing with a grain of salt and a whole lot of humor. I can’t believe some of the comments I read.  I wonder if that’s why a lot of men . . . and women avoid pregnant women. Something about the hormones raging? I wasn’t any of your types of pregnant women. I was green. That is my category. I spent months getting to know the porcelain throne. I could probably build one when I was through with each of my pregnancies. It was an amazing time because, well, I got spoiled rotten by my husband. :)

    • Anonymous

      i honestly think that many of the “haters” wouldn’t have had a problem were the article written by a woman. i’m sorry to hear about the GREEN. C’s never really had a problem w/ sickness, thank goodness… thank you for your comments!

  • http://clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/ R_Mattocks

    Way to go Mr. Controversy. No one appreciates tongue-in-cheek humor anymore. What the hell’s the world coming to?  I’m heading over to your steamy pile of inflammatory arrogance right now. 

  • Seattledad

    Can’t we all just get along?? lol.  Hey JCO, I have read your comedy writing since day one and love it.  Keep up the good writing.

    • Anonymous

      thanks, SD. i’ve been thinking about you during this NBA postseason b/c of the Thunder’s run to the conference semis. wondering how that’s going down in Seattle. hope all is well, buddy…

  • http://profiles.google.com/branwen1887 Carina Clark

    It’s too bad that some women can’t take it with a sense of humor. It was definitely laugh out loud funny. I think it’s odd that all the offended women thought that the “space cadet” version of the pregnant woman was positive and that it was only likely so because your wife was in it. Weirdness…

    • Anonymous

      @Carina—i think that sometimes people just wanna see what they wanna see, but i still contend that if Tina Fey had written it, everyone would have loved it. as it was, the masses hated it, but something funny has happened now that it’s been out there a week or so—the piece has drawn far more positive comments than negative. so it’s good to know that at least many can, indeed, take it with the humor it was intended. thanks for reading, not to mention taking the time to share your kind words! 

  • Jason

    Sup John, 
    Came over from Muskrat Dad, and SOOOOO glad I did. I read the original post and giggled. SEVERAL times. I know they were tongue-in-cheek observations. The funniest part was that I HAVE observed them myself! My wife was “the rookie” with the first, and then the “oh, yeah” on our second. I rubbed her back EVERY night during both pregnancies, so I don’t have the first clue what our women go through. Having said that, funny-assed-post. Loved it. I’ll be back. 

    Later, 
    JasonThe Cheeky Daddy

    • Anonymous

      jason, i think we’ve all known at least one of those types, no? thanks for stopping by, buddy.

  • http://www.tempestbeauty.com Mandy Allender

    Dang JCO!  Stirring things up! 

    I read the piece when it was first published, and I laughed out loud.  I think sometimes people get pissed of when they see a little of themselves in the joke.  

    I hope it brings you more traffic and praise.  Keep up the good work.  :D

    • Anonymous

      mandy, mandy, mandy… how are you?? the post *was* a little edgy, but, hey, sue me, right? i hope you’re well! thanks for stopping by…

  • Chasingfireflies4fun

    As a matter of fact, I, Prego Woman LOVED IT.  It’s true, hilarious, and I wondered why there were no new blogs on babble from you?  Hope all is well with your wife and family.  Your one honest and funny guy!  Glad I found your blog over here!   Thanks for the laughs! 

    • http://johncaveosborne.com John Cave Osborne

      thank you! i’ll be back on Babble at some point and i recently wrote a service piece for them, but i’m off the daily blogging. they’ve got a coupla new things in the works that i have a feeling i may end up taking part in. currently, though, i’m writing stuff for TLC over at their Parentables blog. and thanks, again, for the nice words. all is, indeed, well for my wife and family. Caroline’s 37 weeks today and we’re starting to freak out. hope your pregnancy is going well!

  • http://twitter.com/sara_davidson Sara Davidson

    Man, you were the best part of Being Pregnant, which I read religiously, as a currently pregnant woman. Where did you go? Come back!

    • http://johncaveosborne.com John Cave Osborne

      first off, i’m glad you read BP. second, i’m happier, still, that you’re pregnant! so awesome. congrats! and lastly, i love Babble and have a wonderful and ongoing relationship with them. that said, BP wasn’t my bag. i had moments of glory, to be sure, but i kept, well, accidentally pissing of legions of pregnant women. even so, how nice of you to notice that i left! nicer, still, to read me over here. and fear not. i’ll be back on Babble again. not on BP, but back on Babble. that said, there’s some great stuff over at BP. do you have any favorite BP writers?

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