Does This Baby Make My Ass Look Fat?

Nice ass.

There are any number of conversations I intentionally avoid having with my wife. Primary among them are any which pertain to her ass. Because let’s face it, that’s a bad situation waiting to happen. Here’s the deal, though. My wife is 5 feet 2 inches and weighs (when not pregnant) a buck o’ five. Soaking wet. She routinely (and inadvertently) draws the ire of many a woman for her petite, fit frame. Not only did she totally regain her figure after having the triplets, she regained it in within the timeframe one could reasonably expect to recover from the flu.

But, sadly, she’s not aware of how incredible her body is. That’s not to say she’s one of these types who constantly thinks she’s fat, mind you. She realizes that in the grand scheme of things she’s just fine. Still, best to avoid answering any questions that begin with Does my ass. Especially when she’s pregnant. So when I got one such question this past Sunday, I nearly fainted.

continue reading (and marvel at my ineptitude)

Image: stock.xchng

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • Seattledad

    I don’t know. By the look of it, I would say it’s a Bad Ass.

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  • Marble Polishing

    Thanks for the feature!