Valentine Poems to Avoid Sending Your Pregnant Wife

If you wanna stay together at least until junior is born, better not send her these poems for Valentine's Day.

I’m pretty smooth, y’all. And that’s just a little heads up for your convenience. If you doubt me? So be it, but you need do little more than meet my wife to figure out that there must be some truth to my assertion.

Okay, no there’s not. I’m a complete oaf. And that’s the only reason why I got as lucky as I did in landing such a lovely bride. Because my wife feels sorry for me. Are you happy? I’m constantly calling people by the wrong name (like 5 times in a row with game-show-host confidence, to boot), confusing things and forgetting birthdays. But even I’m not clumsy enough to send the following Valentine poems to my pregnant wife.

The first one is a little gem I like to call Hammer Time.

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.