The Audacity of Amazon: The Pedophiles Guide to Love and Pleasure

It's flat-out deplorable.

Dear Amazon,

I’m not sure where to being. After all, I’m a big freedom of speech guy. By and large, I find any sort of censorship to be a bad idea. But not as bad of an idea as the one you made to allow Phillip R. Greaves 2nd to distribute his reprehensible book, The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure, electronically via Kindle on your website.

But what about my passion for allowing freedom of speech, you ask? Good question. You see, the world seldom offers you just one viewpoint. When I argue for freedom of speech, I’m arguing as a citizen for a citizen. But I’m not always acting in the capacity of a citizen. Let me explain.

This citizen spent the better part of the past decade as the co-owner of a small business. And just because I believe in freedom of speech doesn’t mean that I would have supported one of my former employees if he had, say, called a customer a “stupid bitch.” In fact, such an employee would have been fired.

Here’s the neat part. Every business gets to make those types of decisions. Even yours. So when it comes to this particular book, all you had to do was review the situation and then decide which way to go. The first step? Find out what it’s about. OH, look here. I’ve cut and pasted that for you below. Straight from the “author,” himself.

This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.

Allowing an “author” who champions pedophiles (and “liter” sentences for such creeps—”liter”—what a dumbass) to distribute a book through your medium? If I’m one of your decision makers? I’m leaning towards no. (Shocker…)

Remember the example of my old business? Let’s refer back to it for a bit, shall we? Let’s say that we ended up firing the employee who called one of our customers a “stupid bitch.” You follow, stupid bitches? Good. So then let’s say that one of his buddies took offense and thought we were unfair to fire him, you know, given that, constitutionally speaking, calling someone a stupid bitch is hunky dory and all. Such an employee could decide to…

quit! That’s right. He could leave. And presumably trot off in search of another company for which to work—one that would permit him to call one of their customers a “stupid bitch.”

So get this, stupid bitches. If y’all had decided out of, oh, I don’t know, DECENCY, to not permit Phillip R. Greaves 2nd to publish his book, he could have attempted to find another organization to help spread his loathsome message. And guess what? He would have failed in that attempt.

See, stupid bitches, what this guy’s doing is deplorable. Would you sell an eBook from Charles Mason entitled Kill ‘Em With Kindess? What about a book entitled The Sensitive Side of Snuff? Of course you wouldn’t. Neither would anyone else.

Huh? What’s that, stupid bitches? You wanna know what to do to cover your ass for denying someone their constitutional rights? OH. Well, a lot of organizations draw up policies to which they make their employees, vendors and customers adhere. And guess what, stupid bitches? Y’all already did that! That’s right. You’ve drawn up policies. My buddy Sierra over at Babble included them in her post. These are your published guidelines for digital content.

Offensive Material
What we deem offensive is probably about what you would expect. Amazon Digital Services, Inc. reserves the right to determine the appropriateness of Titles sold on our site.

Illegal Items
Titles sold through the Digital Text Platform Program must adhere to all applicable laws. Some Titles that may not be sold include any Titles which may lead to the production of an illegal item or illegal activity.

Wow. Let’s see. With regard to the offensive material clause—an eBook which positions itself as a literary charm school for pedophiles. Hmm. I’m offended. According to your guidelines, you’re “probably” offended, too. But what about the illegal items clause. You know… I’m pretty sure that pedophilia is, at very least, frowned upon. But now that I give it more thought, I’m quite certain it’s illegal, too.

You stupid bitches.

Here’s what I don’t get. Other than the PR black eye this is gonna cause, what did you think would happen? Did you think you’d actually sell some of ’em? I truly don’t get why y’all let this happen.

The worst part of all this is that thousands of families who have lived through the pedophile nightmare will now have salt dumped in their never-healing wound as they endure the two-day media frenzy y’all’ve created. Y’all are idiots.

And stupid bitches.



Photo: courtesy of stupidbitches

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • Angella

    Oh. my. God. This is unbelievable. We should all mount a campaign to get this offensive, illegal, deplorable garbage off the amazon site. I’m heading there now to write a blistering letter to someone. I hope everyone who reads this follows suit.

    Thanks, John, for making us aware of this. Ugh!

    • Anonymous

      angella—i’m not usually a big ol’ rebel rouser. nor do i usually use derogatory language in my posts (much less, use it repeatedly). but i just couldn’t help it. i hope you wrote that letter. i’m giving them (amazon) a little bit of time b4 i pull my book. it’s my best distribution source, but i don’t care. not that pulling it would do ANYTHING TO them. instead, it would do SOMETHING FOR me.

      • 37paddington

        john, don’t pull your book! just buy elsewhere in the future. pull your money.

  • Havoc70

    There is a huge following on Facebook about this as well as some news papers and a petition.

    • Anonymous

      @havoc70—thanks to you, i immediately jumped all over the FB outlets. i appreciate you pointing them out to me.

  • Anonymous

    Well said!

    • Anonymous

      i mean, seriously, jen…you’re as straight up as it gets (which i love about you). how much bullshit this? i’m so…shocked. it’s weird.

      and now i’m learning about all these other awful books that are on there, too. i just don’t get it.

  • R_mattocks

    You are the man. Here’s the thing. This is all going to get very interesting as far as the Feds are concerned since Amazon is actually the publisher as well.

    • Anonymous

      you da man, bra. but i dunno what the feds can do. constitutionally speaking, amazon can do whatever they want.

  • PJ Mullen

    My hope is that the authorities get a court order to compel Amazon to disclose what ever sick bastards purchased this insanely offensive book, if someone did indeed purchase it. It is beyond outrageous that this ever made it to their online store. As a rabid Amazon consumer I am so unbelievably pissed off right now. While I’m no legal scholar I can imagine freedom of speech applies to illegal activities. And the “censorship” argument I saw floated around earlier on Twitter? Bullshit.

    • Anonymous

      the censorship argument is total bullshit. and my “stupid bitch” analogy proves it. no one could ever go to jail for saying it. but no one would be allowed to work at a company i owned, either.

  • Momo Fali

    I have used Amazon for my Christmas shopping for as long as I can remember. Not this year. Hell, not ever again for anything. I’m terminating my affiliate contract with them as well. This is disgusting and I can’t thank you enough for bringing it to my attention.

    • Anonymous

      as i said in my tweet—it’s always a good day whenever i hear from you. and i agree. it is disgusting.

  • Terry Bennie

    I actually blogged about this too. I dug up an article about the same kind of incident that happened back in 2002. You want to know what…they still carry those titles too. I have a link to that article on my blog if you want to read the whole article.

    • Anonymous

      @mamabennie—right on! going to read right now.

  • SeattleDad

    It makes NO sense. How moronic can they be? I guess we have just found out. Stupid Bitches all right.

    Well said!!

    • Anonymous

      we shoulda figured that out w/ some of your (hilarious) adventures w/ their service reps. did you tweet about that? or was it an actual post? i can’t remember.

      what’s in like in your neck of the woods? is the story getting a lot of local play?

  • muskrat

    All that 1st Amendment bullshit is just that–the 1A protects us from having the GOVERNMENT censor our speech, not private citizens or private companies. And, some speech isn’t even protected from censorship from the government if it falls within a few categories of obscenity or inappropriateness (like yelling “FIRE!” in a crowded theater when there is no fire). In short, if this book seller or others had any balls, they’d pull shit like this out, just like they’d pull it out if I self-published “Nigger Bitches I Fucked” or “Retarded Crackers Whom I’ve Blown” or “Muslims I’d Love to Blow Up.”

    • Anonymous

      it is bullshit, buddy. and those other books you listed are reprehensible. why have the policies if they’re not gonna follow them?

      • muskrat

        I think I went a bit overboard with the other potential titles, but I was arguing that some repugnant titles wouldn’t even be considered for offering on the site, I’m certain, if it offended people of color, Muslims, or parents of retarded children. That pedophilia isn’t considered as repulsive as is attacking these other groups is alarming. I don’t want the morals of Rome in our country in 20 years.

  • Anonymous

    The topic? SUCKS.

    The post? Superb, as usual.

    • Anonymous

      you rock. looking fwd to catching up. (and the topic totally sucks)

  • Juli Westgate

    This is unreal? How on Earth does something like this “slip” by? I would have not known about this if it hadn’t been for your post and would have ended up purchasing quite a few items from, as I do every November around this time. Not now. Not until this book is gone and Amazon issues a HUGE apology. If anyone cares to post this on their Facebook page:

    • Anonymous

      juli, i actually thought of you (and a few others) as i wrote this b/c i couldn’t stop from using derogatory language. i’m not gonna pretend like mickey mouse over here, but i think you’ve stopped by enough to know that i don’t rely upon foul language or vulgar insults to drive home a point. nor, for that matter, am i usually a big rebel-rouser.

      but something about this infuriated me. at a very base level. what came was what came out. very stream of consciousness with the pre-orchestrated business thread helping me stay on track. thought about taking all the language out (or at least the frequency of use), but ultimately decided against it.

      that’s how bad this whole deal has pissed me of. off to post your link on my facebook page.

      • Juli Westgate

        Language/words do not offend me whatsoever. I am very much a Carlin-ist in that regard =)

        • Anonymous

          phew. that’s a fuckin’ relief. (ha!)

  • The JackB

    I am quite unhappy about this and have been wrestling with it all day long. I don’t see this as a free speech issue- it is about decency. They were not smart, nor wise nor decent about this. There is no reason why that e-book needs to grace their “shelves.”

    I don’t think that it is going to “help” any one become a more “successful” deviant. Nor do I believe that it is going to “convert” anyone you don’t suddenly decide to become a pedophile. One of the sadder things about this is that quite a few of these men were themselves molested as children. But that doesn’t justify or excuse engaging in this behavior.

    Amazon blew it.

    • Anonymous

      RIGHT ON, Jack! your point about these men coming from abuse is a valid one. and a sad one. but that’s part of what makes this even more audacious in my opinion. i almost went into this very point on the post, but i just wanted to stick w/ the business thread.

      but what i would have said something along the lines of this: most of these guys lurk around in secret. b/c they hate what they do. and though they can’t control their urge to sexually molest our children, they also hate themselves for it b/c of how bad it messed them up. it’s only the vilest of the vile of the lot that would actually prop this shit up for everyone to see. that’s what so scary about it. this guy doesn’t care.

  • Anonymous

    Agree wholeheartedly with you John. Inexplicably Amazon’s worried about precedent and negative press? Does Jeff Bezos still run Amazon? There’s no 1st amendment issue here. A private company decides what it will and won’t sell. period. This may simply be a case of a company on auto pilot rather than enforcing the their own policies determining what can be sold. In other words, no one was at the wheel. Time to take responsibility for your company Jeff Bezos. Fix what’s broken. And provide a meaningful remedy for this offense to your customers.

    • Anonymous

      @cutemonster—true story. back when i lived in seattle, i ran around with a girl named lizzie who eventually became…jeff bezos’ personal assistant. by that time we’d lost touch, but i’ve been thinking about lizzie through all of this. i wonder if she still works for amazon. if so, i wonder if she’s still helping bezos. b/c i’m with you…i gotta think there’s an auto-pilot situation going on. i really appreciate you reading and commenting. you always make such good points whether it’s your posts or your reactions to the ones you read.

  • Mandy

    Yes! Stupid bitches!

    • Anonymous

      *shakes head* stupid bitches, indeed. how are you, girl? long time no tweet. miss you. hope all is well…

  • Didactic Pirate

    This means I’m going to have to actually leave the house to do my Christmas shopping this year, doesn’t it? Dammit.

  • Natalie

    Well said! (Btw, I was going to “like” this but when I did it said: Natalie likes Amazon supports pedophillia, and I really didn’t want that on my page)

  • http://LifeofaNewDad otter321

    I love your stupid bitch analogy and argument. I knew you would have an awesome take on this deplorable issue. The freedom of speech issue is probably the most taken out of context freedom or right in this country. Every idiot that screws up tried to hide behind it. How about this analogy. You have the freedom to say whatever you want about my family, but if you do I’m going to kick your ass.

  • Ressurrection

    I feel your anger. While this pedophiles book was taken off of the Amazon site, but not before it hit the top 100 books – there are more. Please read and share my article. Thanks Yahoo is trending “RAPE ME” t-shirts while pedophiles still sell books on Amazon. You should know #CSAG