Top 10 Reasons Al and Tipper Split

Um, Al, I think you sucked up my esophagus.

10. Tipper was incensed every time Al sang along to his 2 Live Crew CDs.

9. Al grew frustrated that Tipper called BS whenever he mentioned his invention, the internet.

8. Global warming. Al was tired of all the greenhouse gas that Tipper continually emitted.

7. Try as they did, they could never quite duplicate that creepy kiss the nation had to endure during the 2000 Democratic National Convention.

6. Al developed a disturbing Lady Gaga fetish.

5. Tipper developed an equally disturbing Justin Bieber fetish.

4. Every time Tipper encouraged Al to count their blessings, he demanded a recount.

3. Al got super-jealous when Tipper referred to Bill Clinton as an “incorrigible hottie.”

2. They constantly fought over the color of their house. Al wanted to paint it white.

1. Al hated Tipper’s come on lines. Her favorite? “C’mon, Poppa. Show Momma that adorable, little hanging chad of yours.”

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    ‘Adorable little hanging chad…’ that should be the new Florida tourism slogan. But I didn’t need to see #7 this early in the morning.

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    ‘Adorable little hanging chad…’ that should be the new Florida tourism slogan. But I didn’t need to see #7 this early in the morning.

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    It’s not because he wanted to sleep next to Oscar every night?

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    It’s not because he wanted to sleep next to Oscar every night?

  • http://www.almightydad.com Keith Wilcox

    Wonder how many people are going to get that 2 Live Crew reference :-). Al is a lot of thing including a world class doofus. That picture just about says it all.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      yes!!! world class doofus! LOL.

  • http://www.almightydad.com Keith Wilcox

    Wonder how many people are going to get that 2 Live Crew reference :-). Al is a lot of thing including a world class doofus. That picture just about says it all.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      yes!!! world class doofus! LOL.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    How about Al was completely emasculated by tipper keeping the family jewels in a ‘lock box’.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    How about Al was completely emasculated by tipper keeping the family jewels in a ‘lock box’.

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    I bet you Al is excited for all his super fun “eco-friendly” parties he can have at his new pad in LA now.

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    I bet you Al is excited for all his super fun “eco-friendly” parties he can have at his new pad in LA now.

  • http://liayf.blogspot.com Seattledad

    11. Those glaciers she called feet never melted, throwing a huge monkey wrench into his global warming theory.

  • http://liayf.blogspot.com Seattledad

    11. Those glaciers she called feet never melted, throwing a huge monkey wrench into his global warming theory.

  • Jeff

    What about the fact that Tipper got tired of Al referencing HIS new show…”SNL”

  • Jeff

    What about the fact that Tipper got tired of Al referencing HIS new show…”SNL”

  • http://daddyfiles.com Daddy Files

    I heard the inconvenient truth about their marriage was that Tipper kept censoring poor Al in the bedroom.

  • http://daddyfiles.com Daddy Files

    I heard the inconvenient truth about their marriage was that Tipper kept censoring poor Al in the bedroom.

  • Heather

    Did someone say “disturbing Lady Gaga Fetish??????” Say it ain’t so…..

  • Heather

    Did someone say “disturbing Lady Gaga Fetish??????” Say it ain’t so…..

  • http://surprisedmom.blogspot.com SurprisedMom

    “…adorable little hanging chad of yours…” bwahahahaha.

  • http://surprisedmom.blogspot.com SurprisedMom

    “…adorable little hanging chad of yours…” bwahahahaha.

  • http://lifeofanewdad.blogspot.com Otter321

    The recount one cracked me up the most. Al is some sort of cartoon character these days isn’t he? With such ambitions as inventing the internet and saving the world from Global Warming who has time for a wife anyway.

  • http://lifeofanewdad.blogspot.com Otter321

    The recount one cracked me up the most. Al is some sort of cartoon character these days isn’t he? With such ambitions as inventing the internet and saving the world from Global Warming who has time for a wife anyway.

  • http://pegbur7.wordpress.com pegbur7

    Too funny….

  • http://pegbur7.wordpress.com pegbur7

    Too funny….

  • chriskoenig4324

    “Hanging chad”… good one… but gross…

  • chriskoenig4324

    “Hanging chad”… good one… but gross…