Who’s Your Daddy (Blogger)?

Last week, Caleb Gardner wrote an excellent post entitled Dad Bloggers Deserve Respect. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend you do so, especially if you blog from a fatherly perspective.

In a nutshell, Gardner’s message is as follows: Cyber moms are a force as evidenced by the corporate courting they receive. The rapidly growing community of cyber dads deserves that same treatment, yet fails to receive it thanks to a real-world phenomenon Gardner calls “Being Daddy in a World of Mommies”—the commonly held notion that Daddy is nothing more than Mommy’s goofy and permanent apprentice.

The end result leaves dad bloggers in the awkward position of “fighting for a seat at the parenting table.” According to Gardner, that seat will be earned when “brands…acknowledge that dads have a role to play in the lives of their kids.”

Throughout his post, Gardner’s thread of logic makes alternate stitches—one in the real world, followed by one in the virtual world, as if attempting to sew the two together as one. But in my opinion, they’re not one. They’re related to be sure, but they’re ultimately different and deserve to be treated as such. So let me first address my opinion of Gardner’s take on the real world, namely that dads are viewed as second-class parents.

He’s dead on.

But what he fails to mention is that it’s our own fault. Dads have insisted on taking a parenting backseat to moms since the beginning of time. It’s only just now starting to change. So when Gardner references the “quiet condescension” he senses (presumably from moms) whenever he and his son spend an afternoon together without his wife, I understand what he’s talking about. Yet, if we want to change the perception that our own gender created, shouldn’t we spend more time parenting and less time trying to interpret unstated sentiments from a random cross-section of women?

Hell, I have a hard enough time understanding them when they speak in plain English, let alone when I’m left to extrapolate meaning from the blank looks on their faces. (Incidentally, if anyone can interpret unstated sentiments from a woman, email me immediately. That Lovie is one tough cookie…)

But, seriously, whenever I’m out with Pookie and the trips, I simply assume that anyone who’s paying attention to our dynamic sees me for what I am—an emotionally available, extremely involved, and thoroughly capable parent. And great parents should concern themselves with their children, not with myopic soccer moms armed with misguided notions that smack of reverse sexism. I ignore such simpletons because paying attention to them empowers them, not to mention undermines what I’m trying to do—namely, parent my children to the best of my ability. Besides, if we continually allow ourselves to feel slighted as parents, then we may never get out of the ditch that we put ourselves in.

So what about Gardner’s take on the cyber world, where, thanks to real-world disrespect, we find ourselves “fighting for a seat at the parenting table?” What about Gardner’s hope that corporate brands “acknowledge that dads have a role to play in the lives of their kids,” which would presumably translate to corporations courting us?

I write a parenting blog. Wanna read it? *image compliments of andrewgriffithsblog.com*

Maybe it’s just me, but if earning a seat at the parenting table means receiving free coffee cakes from Sara Lee in exchange for 500 favorable words, then I’m at the wrong establishment. When I joined the ranks of the daddy bloggers by starting my own blog this past November, it was initially to promote my book. But blogging quickly transcended that self-serving motive when I realized the strength of the incredible network of like-minded dads I had tapped into. Gardner’s thought-provoking post, as well as the insightful (and numerous) comments it generated, did nothing but bolster my already high opinion of our community and furthered the pride I feel for being a small part of it.

So I hope I don’t come off as disrespectful when I say that the very last thing I want for that community to become is a testicular version of mommy bloggers. “Testicular version of mommy bloggers.” Talk about an oxymoron—by merely typing those five words, I’m pretty sure I started lactating.

Lactation jokes aside, if the day ever comes when I care more about a year’s supply of non-dairy creamers from the friendly folks at Coffee-mate than I do about sharing my fatherly perspectives, I hope one of you will fly to Knoxville and punch me in the face. While I’m sleeping. I’ll pay for your flight.

It’s not that I have something against mommy bloggers–I don’t. In fact, I read many of them quite frequently. But they’re different from us, fellas. When will we learn that we’re not treated like them because we’re not like them? And, more importantly, when will we be okay with that?

Dad bloggers are a rapidly growing community, and thanks to many great sites like DadWagon, Dab-Blogs, DadLabs, and DadCentric, our voice is being heard. Our time is coming, but before it arrives, we have thousands of years of history to overcome in the real world, and over a decade to overcome in the virtual one. And little by little, we’re doing just that–overcoming history and changing perceptions with our emerging voice.

But we’ll impede that progress if we fall into the trap of parenting and blogging with an inferiority complex caused by a stereotype our own gender created. And we’ll never get anywhere by incessantly comparing ourselves to a demographic which is the complete opposite of ours. So let’s drop the insecure takes on who we aren’t and instead focus confidently on who we are—the new breed of badass dads who are soft enough to drink imaginary tea with a little girl while sitting in the tree-house we were man enough to build.

The respect we seek is coming. But once it arrives, I hope we don’t instantaneously become mom bloggers with facial hair. Because I like who we are. Don’t you?

Props to Caleb Gardner for his fantastic post which really made me think. I tip my cap to you, Caleb, as well as to the rest of you. You can resume being a fantastic fathers now. Godspeed.

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • http://allthatcomeswithit.com Dan

    You are close to usurping Dad Who Writes for my nomination for president of the internet on this one.

    I’m probably going to respond to this one on my own blog rather than here – as I feel an essay coming on.

  • http://allthatcomeswithit.com Dan

    You are close to usurping Dad Who Writes for my nomination for president of the internet on this one.

    I’m probably going to respond to this one on my own blog rather than here – as I feel an essay coming on.

  • http://liayf.blogspot.com Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Fa

    Fantastic post John. I do think we have to, and will, carve out our own niche. I really do like the community which I am a part of and though I too want my Xbox 360, I am happy enough just communing with a bunch of fellow dads who are of a llike mind.

    Often we men don’t get many opportunities to do just that. I know I have trouble maintaining good male friendships in person, mainly because I am dedicating so much time to my family. Online I find it much easier.

  • http://liayf.blogspot.com Seattledad (Luke, I am Your Father)

    Fantastic post John. I do think we have to, and will, carve out our own niche. I really do like the community which I am a part of and though I too want my Xbox 360, I am happy enough just communing with a bunch of fellow dads who are of a llike mind.

    Often we men don’t get many opportunities to do just that. I know I have trouble maintaining good male friendships in person, mainly because I am dedicating so much time to my family. Online I find it much easier.

  • careycbuck

    John, I think that if women took some of that common sense wisdom of “we are treated differently because we are different” into the workplace with them, they would start to see more equal treatment. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but if we stick to what we all do well, our efforts will be recognized for what they are, not who did them.

  • careycbuck

    John, I think that if women took some of that common sense wisdom of “we are treated differently because we are different” into the workplace with them, they would start to see more equal treatment. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but if we stick to what we all do well, our efforts will be recognized for what they are, not who did them.

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

    Good post. If you’ll forgive me I’ll provide a link to a post I wrote that touches upon my thoughts on this.

    Riding The Mommy Blogger Gravy Train.

    I might have to write something new about it all, but that is a good start.

    In the interim I’d like to add that there are a lot of dad bloggers out there who have been writing for years, we just didn’t label ourselves as such.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      @Jack — you’re always welcome to leave links. look fwd to reading it. and i didn’t mean to imply that “daddy bloggers” are a new sensation. i know there are seasoned vets like you who’ve been at it for years. still, i think you would agree, however, that the # of dads who blog is growing exponentially.
      @carey — you’re a rockstar. i totally agree with you.
      @SeattleDad — echo your sentiments 100% and have benefited greatly from interacting with fantastic dads just like you.
      @dan — really appreciate the kind words and look fwd to reading your thoughts on the matter.

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

    Good post. If you’ll forgive me I’ll provide a link to a post I wrote that touches upon my thoughts on this.

    Riding The Mommy Blogger Gravy Train.

    I might have to write something new about it all, but that is a good start.

    In the interim I’d like to add that there are a lot of dad bloggers out there who have been writing for years, we just didn’t label ourselves as such.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      @Jack — you’re always welcome to leave links. look fwd to reading it. and i didn’t mean to imply that “daddy bloggers” are a new sensation. i know there are seasoned vets like you who’ve been at it for years. still, i think you would agree, however, that the # of dads who blog is growing exponentially.
      @carey — you’re a rockstar. i totally agree with you.
      @SeattleDad — echo your sentiments 100% and have benefited greatly from interacting with fantastic dads just like you.
      @dan — really appreciate the kind words and look fwd to reading your thoughts on the matter.

  • http://edelmandigital.com/ Caleb Gardner

    Wow – what great insights! So glad you took the time to think through this so thoroughly, since it’s something I’ve been wrestling with for a while.

    A few thoughts: totally on board with the idea that historically dads have taken a back seat willingly – if they take a seat at all. In fact, a lot still do, which is why I was careful in my post to say “active dads” at the beginning.

    But don’t interpret the condescension from moms as just my own observations. There have definitely been others that have sensed it and blogged about it. And I do think we should at least make women aware of it, because I don’t think most have given it much thought. We don’t have to be snarky about it. Just honest. The moms I’ve met seem to be receptive to this feedback.

    As for your thoughts about brands working with dads, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a dad blogger that started blogging to get free stuff. And I’m in no way advocating that they should get free stuff from brands in exchange for reviews. I think that model is antiquated for both parents.

    But I do think that brands and dads can work together towards common goals, and I don’t think dads should feel as if they’re “selling out” if they do this. Successful (in my opinion) engagement between brands and moms has always provided good feedback (not just publicity) to the brands, and rewards the moms for their time and opinions. Why shouldn’t dads be able to have this same relationship with brands they probably purchase anyway?

    Sorry my response got so long – practically wrote a post of my own! Thanks again for your thoughts.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      @caleb, thank you for your initial post, and thanks, too, for coming by and reading mine. now that i’ve “found” you, i look fwd to reading more from you in the future.

      in order of your points…

      i’m not mistaking the condescension for one that only you have noticed. i’m sorry if that wasn’t clear. i’ve noticed it, too. and, as you mention, it’s been blogged about. a bunch. since we’ve made our point on the matter, let’s get back to being dads, and let’s also not act so victimized by the whole condescension, since, after all, we were the ones who brought it on ourselves. we’ll do more to change the perception with our actions than we will our words.

      i think your point on brands is a valid one. and, like you, i suspect that one day we will see more brands working together with dads. but that day will take longer to reach if we come across as bloggers and parents with inferiority complexes. no one likes a person who repeatedly cries foul, no matter how valid the claim may be.

      we also shouldn’t assume that our association with brands will mirror that of the moms. i, for one, don’t believe it will ever reach that extent. regardless, we’ll find our niche and that niche may be similar to the moms, but it also may not.

      all that said, much, much respect for your take, and, as i said earlier, i look fwd to reading more of your thoughts in the future.

  • http://edelmandigital.com/ Caleb Gardner

    Wow – what great insights! So glad you took the time to think through this so thoroughly, since it’s something I’ve been wrestling with for a while.

    A few thoughts: totally on board with the idea that historically dads have taken a back seat willingly – if they take a seat at all. In fact, a lot still do, which is why I was careful in my post to say “active dads” at the beginning.

    But don’t interpret the condescension from moms as just my own observations. There have definitely been others that have sensed it and blogged about it. And I do think we should at least make women aware of it, because I don’t think most have given it much thought. We don’t have to be snarky about it. Just honest. The moms I’ve met seem to be receptive to this feedback.

    As for your thoughts about brands working with dads, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a dad blogger that started blogging to get free stuff. And I’m in no way advocating that they should get free stuff from brands in exchange for reviews. I think that model is antiquated for both parents.

    But I do think that brands and dads can work together towards common goals, and I don’t think dads should feel as if they’re “selling out” if they do this. Successful (in my opinion) engagement between brands and moms has always provided good feedback (not just publicity) to the brands, and rewards the moms for their time and opinions. Why shouldn’t dads be able to have this same relationship with brands they probably purchase anyway?

    Sorry my response got so long – practically wrote a post of my own! Thanks again for your thoughts.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      @caleb, thank you for your initial post, and thanks, too, for coming by and reading mine. now that i’ve “found” you, i look fwd to reading more from you in the future.

      in order of your points…

      i’m not mistaking the condescension for one that only you have noticed. i’m sorry if that wasn’t clear. i’ve noticed it, too. and, as you mention, it’s been blogged about. a bunch. since we’ve made our point on the matter, let’s get back to being dads, and let’s also not act so victimized by the whole condescension, since, after all, we were the ones who brought it on ourselves. we’ll do more to change the perception with our actions than we will our words.

      i think your point on brands is a valid one. and, like you, i suspect that one day we will see more brands working together with dads. but that day will take longer to reach if we come across as bloggers and parents with inferiority complexes. no one likes a person who repeatedly cries foul, no matter how valid the claim may be.

      we also shouldn’t assume that our association with brands will mirror that of the moms. i, for one, don’t believe it will ever reach that extent. regardless, we’ll find our niche and that niche may be similar to the moms, but it also may not.

      all that said, much, much respect for your take, and, as i said earlier, i look fwd to reading more of your thoughts in the future.

  • http://www.buriedwithchildren.com Jen

    I for one, really like the Dad perspective. I think that it balances things nicely.

    But I do have one question, why are all the Dads getting the book deals? 😉

  • http://www.buriedwithchildren.com Jen

    I for one, really like the Dad perspective. I think that it balances things nicely.

    But I do have one question, why are all the Dads getting the book deals? 😉

  • http://www.dadcentric.com Jason

    Thanks for the mention, John. This is a great post, and you’re absolutely correct: we dadbloggers need to focus on our own work, and stop bitching about our female counterparts. While I do read a few mommyblogs, and count many, many blogging and non-blogging moms among my friends (and readers), I’m perfectly OK with not being like them.

  • http://www.dadcentric.com Jason

    Thanks for the mention, John. This is a great post, and you’re absolutely correct: we dadbloggers need to focus on our own work, and stop bitching about our female counterparts. While I do read a few mommyblogs, and count many, many blogging and non-blogging moms among my friends (and readers), I’m perfectly OK with not being like them.

  • http://nuclearfamilywarhead.com/ NukeDad

    Great post, John. I agree, right now the Dad blog genre is like Metallica in 1989-poised for success with a rabid underground following and doing their best to tackle super-stardom without being thought of as “sell-outs.” I like the fact that most Dad bloggers do it because they love it, not because they are looking to get something out of it. But, like the Mom bloggers before us, the numbers will increase and the idea of easy money may tempt many a Dad to try blogging; it just will take them a little longer to realize that money can’t be your main motivation, or you’ll be destined for failure. That being said, I’m actually a little surprised that the Dads don’t see a little more interest from “the brands”, seems like a no-brainer to me. Heck, I’d let Dodge and Bass Pro Shop pay for a fishing trip with my boys in exchange for a story or two.

  • http://nuclearfamilywarhead.com/ NukeDad

    Great post, John. I agree, right now the Dad blog genre is like Metallica in 1989-poised for success with a rabid underground following and doing their best to tackle super-stardom without being thought of as “sell-outs.” I like the fact that most Dad bloggers do it because they love it, not because they are looking to get something out of it. But, like the Mom bloggers before us, the numbers will increase and the idea of easy money may tempt many a Dad to try blogging; it just will take them a little longer to realize that money can’t be your main motivation, or you’ll be destined for failure. That being said, I’m actually a little surprised that the Dads don’t see a little more interest from “the brands”, seems like a no-brainer to me. Heck, I’d let Dodge and Bass Pro Shop pay for a fishing trip with my boys in exchange for a story or two.

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    Dads parent differently than moms, so it only stands to reason that we would blog differently than them too. When I got going with my blog in November 2008 it wasn’t to get stuff (I didn’t even know that was possible). I was just a guy wallowing his failed career path and somewhat bored when his son was napping.

    I found a great community among other dads (and moms) online and have had a number of opportunities, the great majority of which I have declined. I’ve been on a blogger trip, got a new stereo for the swagger wagon and reviewed a handful of books that I got for free. In general I only pursued the opportunities that I thought would fit my audience, if you will.

    Also, I view what I have done with my blogs as an on the job training of sorts for the next stage of my professional life for when my son (and soon to be daughter) are at school full time. Having spent two years at home with my son and nearly four out of the full time workforce (I spent a little more than a year renovating my home), I’m only interested in opportunities that either let me work from home or are extremely flexible to ensure my family can always come first.

    That probably means I’m going to be free lancing the better part of the next twenty years, but so be it. I can’t imagine having to travel for a living anymore and I’m certainly not going to allow myself to be defined by my job like I did in my twenties.

    I’ll wrap up my little diatribe by saying that I obviously agree with what you’ve said and I’m totally okay with not being like a mommy blogger. The ones I’m friends with a great and what they do makes them unique.

    Also, the next time I care what some judgmental ninnie has to think about the way my family operates it will be the first.

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    Dads parent differently than moms, so it only stands to reason that we would blog differently than them too. When I got going with my blog in November 2008 it wasn’t to get stuff (I didn’t even know that was possible). I was just a guy wallowing his failed career path and somewhat bored when his son was napping.

    I found a great community among other dads (and moms) online and have had a number of opportunities, the great majority of which I have declined. I’ve been on a blogger trip, got a new stereo for the swagger wagon and reviewed a handful of books that I got for free. In general I only pursued the opportunities that I thought would fit my audience, if you will.

    Also, I view what I have done with my blogs as an on the job training of sorts for the next stage of my professional life for when my son (and soon to be daughter) are at school full time. Having spent two years at home with my son and nearly four out of the full time workforce (I spent a little more than a year renovating my home), I’m only interested in opportunities that either let me work from home or are extremely flexible to ensure my family can always come first.

    That probably means I’m going to be free lancing the better part of the next twenty years, but so be it. I can’t imagine having to travel for a living anymore and I’m certainly not going to allow myself to be defined by my job like I did in my twenties.

    I’ll wrap up my little diatribe by saying that I obviously agree with what you’ve said and I’m totally okay with not being like a mommy blogger. The ones I’m friends with a great and what they do makes them unique.

    Also, the next time I care what some judgmental ninnie has to think about the way my family operates it will be the first.

  • http://Wrath66.com Chris / Wrath66

    I think I understand the issue under discussion here: Why aren’t brands knocking down Dad Bloggers’ doors? Is that it? Because that I understand.

    If it’s a “lack of respect” issue. I can’t fathom why one would care. Because I’m actually not sure what that means. Sure, I may sense some raging superiority issues from *some* Mommy Bloggers (who will never be named) but that should have no bearing on my sense of worth as a Dad (SAHD or otherwise) or a Dad Blogger. Be a Dad. Blog about it and f*dge ’em.

    I’m an ex-marketing/advertising creative and a recent self-certified inductee into the ranks of the SAHD bloggers. I can’t help but think that if there’s an issue at all it only really comes into focus when looked at from a collective perspective (of Dad/Dad Bloggers). Maybe I’m a newbie and possibly ignorant of the breadth and depth of the Mommy-Daddy divide in the blogosphere but – individually – I don’t have the slightest sense of myself as SAHD or Dad Blogger as second class anything. And I don’t see why any other Dad Blogger should either.

    If it’s brand courtship you want, brands will come. But it wouldn’t hurt to make the moves on them. Okay, If you want to be courted, you may have to be a bit “easier” than your Mom counterparts. But, not necessarily. Brand aren’t going to look at the collective, they’re going to look at individuals. Dooce isn’t all of them just like none of us is all of us. Which is really the challeng I see brands concerned with. I sense that brands may be concerned not with Dad Bloggers individually, but how they interact amongst eachother. And how those interactions will serve their brands.

    Apologies for the likely remedial rambling.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      @ Chris — you wrote: “I think I understand the issue under discussion here: Why aren’t brands knocking down Dad Bloggers’ doors? Is that it?”

      actually, no. that’s not it. it’s the opposite–namely that dads bloggers should STOP concerning themselves with the commercialization of their efforts and quit expecting to receive the same treatments as our motherly counterparts have. that said, you bring up a number of interesting points in your comment, and you’re ALWAYS welcome to engage in “remedial rambling.”

      @ PJ — your first sentence NAILED it. we’re different beasts. most everything we do yields different results. that’s a good thing, man. as is your last line re: judgmental ninnies. classic. w/ regard to the community you referred to, that’s what i was most unprepared for. what a pleasant surprise. and i’m with you. both mom and dads. i don’t want anyone to think i don’t love the moms. i do.

      @nukedad two things here–i like ANY metallica reference, so strong work right out of the gate. also, surprised that brands haven’t been more interested in the dads? i guess i can see why… and i do think the day will come on some level, but i don’t think it will ever be at the level the moms get it. that said, if you get a Bass Pro deal? DM me.

      @jason — dude, i’m stoked you read this. thanks, much for your comment. every time i reference things like “forging our own identity,” it goes without saying that you and the other sites i referenced are at the core of that effort. y’all do a wonderful job of exemplifying the uniqueness of the new breed of dad, and it’s that uniqueness i hope we embrace instead of becoming preoccupied with the moms. keep up the good work, my friend.

      @ jen — you pretty much rock. if anyone wants to read a fellow triplet parent who is as well written as she is funny, Buried With Children is a fantastic blog. a great example of a mom blog i read a lot.

    • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

      Chris,

      You are absolutely right. The brands are there and we can build relationships with them. It is not impossible nor terribly hard to do.

      The question is what is the goal. What do we want out of it. I hate review blogs. Ok hate is a strong word, but if your primary purpose is to get free stuff and then write reviews I am not going to stick around to read it.

      There are a million different places that do that already. Unless you have some expertise in the matter I don’t need you.

    • http://Wrath66.com Chris / Wrath66

      I owe you an apology John. I got my (tired) wires crossed and posted a comment that wasn’t an accurate reaction to the content of your post.

      I just reread it to see just how off base I was. Ouch.

      I also linked to this post (way mistakenly) as referencing SAHDs. And I apologize for that as well.

      I broke one of the cardinal rules and commented tired (drunk or angry would be bad to but I don’t drink and I don’t often get angry enough for it to have much effect.)

      Sincerely and Apologetically,
      Chris

  • http://Wrath66.com Chris / Wrath66

    I think I understand the issue under discussion here: Why aren’t brands knocking down Dad Bloggers’ doors? Is that it? Because that I understand.

    If it’s a “lack of respect” issue. I can’t fathom why one would care. Because I’m actually not sure what that means. Sure, I may sense some raging superiority issues from *some* Mommy Bloggers (who will never be named) but that should have no bearing on my sense of worth as a Dad (SAHD or otherwise) or a Dad Blogger. Be a Dad. Blog about it and f*dge ’em.

    I’m an ex-marketing/advertising creative and a recent self-certified inductee into the ranks of the SAHD bloggers. I can’t help but think that if there’s an issue at all it only really comes into focus when looked at from a collective perspective (of Dad/Dad Bloggers). Maybe I’m a newbie and possibly ignorant of the breadth and depth of the Mommy-Daddy divide in the blogosphere but – individually – I don’t have the slightest sense of myself as SAHD or Dad Blogger as second class anything. And I don’t see why any other Dad Blogger should either.

    If it’s brand courtship you want, brands will come. But it wouldn’t hurt to make the moves on them. Okay, If you want to be courted, you may have to be a bit “easier” than your Mom counterparts. But, not necessarily. Brand aren’t going to look at the collective, they’re going to look at individuals. Dooce isn’t all of them just like none of us is all of us. Which is really the challeng I see brands concerned with. I sense that brands may be concerned not with Dad Bloggers individually, but how they interact amongst eachother. And how those interactions will serve their brands.

    Apologies for the likely remedial rambling.

    • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

      @ Chris — you wrote: “I think I understand the issue under discussion here: Why aren’t brands knocking down Dad Bloggers’ doors? Is that it?”

      actually, no. that’s not it. it’s the opposite–namely that dads bloggers should STOP concerning themselves with the commercialization of their efforts and quit expecting to receive the same treatments as our motherly counterparts have. that said, you bring up a number of interesting points in your comment, and you’re ALWAYS welcome to engage in “remedial rambling.”

      @ PJ — your first sentence NAILED it. we’re different beasts. most everything we do yields different results. that’s a good thing, man. as is your last line re: judgmental ninnies. classic. w/ regard to the community you referred to, that’s what i was most unprepared for. what a pleasant surprise. and i’m with you. both mom and dads. i don’t want anyone to think i don’t love the moms. i do.

      @nukedad two things here–i like ANY metallica reference, so strong work right out of the gate. also, surprised that brands haven’t been more interested in the dads? i guess i can see why… and i do think the day will come on some level, but i don’t think it will ever be at the level the moms get it. that said, if you get a Bass Pro deal? DM me.

      @jason — dude, i’m stoked you read this. thanks, much for your comment. every time i reference things like “forging our own identity,” it goes without saying that you and the other sites i referenced are at the core of that effort. y’all do a wonderful job of exemplifying the uniqueness of the new breed of dad, and it’s that uniqueness i hope we embrace instead of becoming preoccupied with the moms. keep up the good work, my friend.

      @ jen — you pretty much rock. if anyone wants to read a fellow triplet parent who is as well written as she is funny, Buried With Children is a fantastic blog. a great example of a mom blog i read a lot.

    • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

      Chris,

      You are absolutely right. The brands are there and we can build relationships with them. It is not impossible nor terribly hard to do.

      The question is what is the goal. What do we want out of it. I hate review blogs. Ok hate is a strong word, but if your primary purpose is to get free stuff and then write reviews I am not going to stick around to read it.

      There are a million different places that do that already. Unless you have some expertise in the matter I don’t need you.

    • http://Wrath66.com Chris / Wrath66

      I owe you an apology John. I got my (tired) wires crossed and posted a comment that wasn’t an accurate reaction to the content of your post.

      I just reread it to see just how off base I was. Ouch.

      I also linked to this post (way mistakenly) as referencing SAHDs. And I apologize for that as well.

      I broke one of the cardinal rules and commented tired (drunk or angry would be bad to but I don’t drink and I don’t often get angry enough for it to have much effect.)

      Sincerely and Apologetically,
      Chris

  • http://mothereseblog.com Kristen @ Motherese

    I am interested in talking about life with kids and, to me, there is no real discussion if fathers’ voices aren’t part of it. One of the reasons I enjoy visiting your blog, John, is to read about your humorous, big-hearted perspective on parenting and I’m grateful to you and to @Jack for introducing me to the world of dad bloggers.

    Thanks for giving this mom blogger a look at things from your point of view.

  • http://mothereseblog.com Kristen @ Motherese

    I am interested in talking about life with kids and, to me, there is no real discussion if fathers’ voices aren’t part of it. One of the reasons I enjoy visiting your blog, John, is to read about your humorous, big-hearted perspective on parenting and I’m grateful to you and to @Jack for introducing me to the world of dad bloggers.

    Thanks for giving this mom blogger a look at things from your point of view.

  • http://www.theDADvocateProject.com Kevin TheDADAvocate

    John Your my inspirational person of the day. There was another great blog on Friday about this same topic. I’m of the opinion that dad involvement isn’t an issue of marketing period. DAD purchase, influence, and interests lay in a different market segment than mom interests, influence and purchases. That’s a great thing. I am targeting some new sponsors and the folks I’m targeting are interested in marketing to men. Makes sense. The companies that sell to us already will want to sell to our audiences if we are catering to male based audiences. If we are catering to a female audience then those marketers will want to sell to your audience. Simply put know your audience and then know who sells to them. Make a match and your there. I don’t care if your a mommy, daddy, or chipmunk the formula is the same and it’s simple.

  • http://www.theDADvocateProject.com Kevin TheDADAvocate

    John Your my inspirational person of the day. There was another great blog on Friday about this same topic. I’m of the opinion that dad involvement isn’t an issue of marketing period. DAD purchase, influence, and interests lay in a different market segment than mom interests, influence and purchases. That’s a great thing. I am targeting some new sponsors and the folks I’m targeting are interested in marketing to men. Makes sense. The companies that sell to us already will want to sell to our audiences if we are catering to male based audiences. If we are catering to a female audience then those marketers will want to sell to your audience. Simply put know your audience and then know who sells to them. Make a match and your there. I don’t care if your a mommy, daddy, or chipmunk the formula is the same and it’s simple.

  • http://daddyfiles.com Daddy Files

    I agree with you on almost everything and this was very well-stated.

    First of all, I hate reviews. Of any kind. Mainly because I’ve never read a negative one on a product and I hate the fact that dad bloggers I respect are wasting their time on product reviews I care nothing about in order to get free stuff. Turns my stomach actually.

    The only thing I disagree with is simply ignoring the condescending attitudes from moms. First of all, it has been blogging gold for me in the past. Too many ridiculous, assinine, insulting examples of mommy superiority to count. And while I usually don’t say anything that moment to cause a scene, I actually think it’s important to highlight on the blog and when talking with friends to let them know that kind of mentality is out there in a fairly big way. But maybe I’m just a complainer.

    All in all this was a great post. Nice job.

  • http://daddyfiles.com Daddy Files

    I agree with you on almost everything and this was very well-stated.

    First of all, I hate reviews. Of any kind. Mainly because I’ve never read a negative one on a product and I hate the fact that dad bloggers I respect are wasting their time on product reviews I care nothing about in order to get free stuff. Turns my stomach actually.

    The only thing I disagree with is simply ignoring the condescending attitudes from moms. First of all, it has been blogging gold for me in the past. Too many ridiculous, assinine, insulting examples of mommy superiority to count. And while I usually don’t say anything that moment to cause a scene, I actually think it’s important to highlight on the blog and when talking with friends to let them know that kind of mentality is out there in a fairly big way. But maybe I’m just a complainer.

    All in all this was a great post. Nice job.

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    When our kids were much younger and were out with just their dad, he would get all sorts of unsolicited advice, mostly from older women. He hated it, that implication that because he was ‘not the mommy’ he didn’t have a clue what he was doing.

    Dad-blogs should be different than mom-blogs. We are different and each has a unique voice that needs to be heard and respected.

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    When our kids were much younger and were out with just their dad, he would get all sorts of unsolicited advice, mostly from older women. He hated it, that implication that because he was ‘not the mommy’ he didn’t have a clue what he was doing.

    Dad-blogs should be different than mom-blogs. We are different and each has a unique voice that needs to be heard and respected.

  • http://www.dearmisterman.com Mr. Man

    Fatherhood is a funny thing. We have an overwhelming responsibility to our families, but receive no credit for it. However, if we got into this “daddy game” to get our props, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons.

    I think it is important for “daddy bloggers” to tell our side of the story. The more we do, the more society will see that we are more than a bunch of Homer Simpsons waiting for the next can of Duff.

    As far as corporate recognition, they can keep it if it means I have to compromise the integrity of my writing. If and when I write about a product, it will be because it is something that I like or enjoy. Not because corporate America told me to do so.

  • http://www.dearmisterman.com Mr. Man

    Fatherhood is a funny thing. We have an overwhelming responsibility to our families, but receive no credit for it. However, if we got into this “daddy game” to get our props, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons.

    I think it is important for “daddy bloggers” to tell our side of the story. The more we do, the more society will see that we are more than a bunch of Homer Simpsons waiting for the next can of Duff.

    As far as corporate recognition, they can keep it if it means I have to compromise the integrity of my writing. If and when I write about a product, it will be because it is something that I like or enjoy. Not because corporate America told me to do so.

  • http://www.freckletree.com freckletree.

    This is so hilarious.

    You’re not getting product endorsements because market research shows that your readers aren’t buying.

    Or because your just a blogger.

    Like me.

    A Mommy.

    A Mommy-blogger.

    Who, in her own humble opinion, should be getting paid millions of dollars for this shit that I’m giving away. Because I like my blog almost best. That’s right.

    The thing that cracks me up is that you men are becoming bitchy little women. Just like all of the bitchy little women who aren’t recognized because they don’t sell out to endorsements/aren’t in a cheesy network/blog sucks ass.

    So the dad wants to step up and become an active parent for once? He wants recognition instead of beer and football (now I know better than that!)? How about a vagina and some tampons? You sound like you’re about to start your periods.

    I love seeing active dads. Good for all of you that are actually doing your job as a parent.

    Love you for posting this, John. You are an awesome fucking dad. It was the highlight of my morning.

  • http://www.freckletree.com freckletree.

    This is so hilarious.

    You’re not getting product endorsements because market research shows that your readers aren’t buying.

    Or because your just a blogger.

    Like me.

    A Mommy.

    A Mommy-blogger.

    Who, in her own humble opinion, should be getting paid millions of dollars for this shit that I’m giving away. Because I like my blog almost best. That’s right.

    The thing that cracks me up is that you men are becoming bitchy little women. Just like all of the bitchy little women who aren’t recognized because they don’t sell out to endorsements/aren’t in a cheesy network/blog sucks ass.

    So the dad wants to step up and become an active parent for once? He wants recognition instead of beer and football (now I know better than that!)? How about a vagina and some tampons? You sound like you’re about to start your periods.

    I love seeing active dads. Good for all of you that are actually doing your job as a parent.

    Love you for posting this, John. You are an awesome fucking dad. It was the highlight of my morning.

  • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

    @motherese Thank you, my friend, for the well-written perspectives you regularly offer up. and i agree with you 100% when you say: “to me, there is no real discussion if fathers’ voices aren’t part of it.”

    @theDadvocate you write: “Simply put know your audience and then know who sells to them.” i agree wholeheartedly. if your objective is to sell something. another thing which has to be taken into account is whether or not your demo are prone to making internet purchases by clicking on ads they see in blogs.

    @daddy files you write: “The only thing I disagree with is simply ignoring the condescending attitudes from moms. First of all, it has been blogging gold for me in the past.”

    two things: number one, your blogs are so well written and entertaining, that i insist you pursue any and all gold, regardless of my thoughts are on the matter.

    number two, bashing a condescending mom sounds like a funny topic for a post. if i were doing it, i’d point out that it was incredibly likely that the woman in question belittled me thanks to an antiquated view of gender roles, not to mention a deep-seeded resentment of her primary duty: namely that of ensuring her hubby’s chicken pot pies are both pipin’ hot AND promptly served up at seven. i’d probably throw in the adjective “undersexed” just for the hell of it.

    the women who are smug to us probably aren’t married to our kinda guys, anyway. if we’re good at being a daddy, then why in the hell isn’t their virile bread-winner? hence the attitude.

    making it a post is one thing (I’d love to read it.) but pointing to it as part of an argument in a case which ultimately seeks respect is quite another.

    i loved what you had to say, and appreciate you reading.

    @tara r — first off, public props to a fellow k-towner. secondly, you wrote: “Dad-blogs should be different than mom-blogs. We are different and each has a unique voice that needs to be heard and respected.” BINGO.

    @MrMan — you wrote: “if we got into this “daddy game” to get our props, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons.” again, bingo. you also mention integrity of writing. DOUBLE BINGO. and you outta know b/c you’re an excellent writer. i can’t tell you how many blogs turn me off because the author sucks at writing. even some of the wildly popular ones. when i started blogging, i naturally assumed the most popular ones were also the best written. what a dumbass i was for thinking that. level of popularity and talent seldom go hand in hand. just ask paris hilton and kate gosselin. (or don’t. it would suck to talk to them.)

    @freckletree — gender solidarity will not allow me to go quite as far as you went with it, BUT you seem to have picked up on EXACTLY what i was trying to say.

    ps — quit leaving comments funnier than my posts.

  • http://www.johncaveosborne.com johncaveosborne

    @motherese Thank you, my friend, for the well-written perspectives you regularly offer up. and i agree with you 100% when you say: “to me, there is no real discussion if fathers’ voices aren’t part of it.”

    @theDadvocate you write: “Simply put know your audience and then know who sells to them.” i agree wholeheartedly. if your objective is to sell something. another thing which has to be taken into account is whether or not your demo are prone to making internet purchases by clicking on ads they see in blogs.

    @daddy files you write: “The only thing I disagree with is simply ignoring the condescending attitudes from moms. First of all, it has been blogging gold for me in the past.”

    two things: number one, your blogs are so well written and entertaining, that i insist you pursue any and all gold, regardless of my thoughts are on the matter.

    number two, bashing a condescending mom sounds like a funny topic for a post. if i were doing it, i’d point out that it was incredibly likely that the woman in question belittled me thanks to an antiquated view of gender roles, not to mention a deep-seeded resentment of her primary duty: namely that of ensuring her hubby’s chicken pot pies are both pipin’ hot AND promptly served up at seven. i’d probably throw in the adjective “undersexed” just for the hell of it.

    the women who are smug to us probably aren’t married to our kinda guys, anyway. if we’re good at being a daddy, then why in the hell isn’t their virile bread-winner? hence the attitude.

    making it a post is one thing (I’d love to read it.) but pointing to it as part of an argument in a case which ultimately seeks respect is quite another.

    i loved what you had to say, and appreciate you reading.

    @tara r — first off, public props to a fellow k-towner. secondly, you wrote: “Dad-blogs should be different than mom-blogs. We are different and each has a unique voice that needs to be heard and respected.” BINGO.

    @MrMan — you wrote: “if we got into this “daddy game” to get our props, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons.” again, bingo. you also mention integrity of writing. DOUBLE BINGO. and you outta know b/c you’re an excellent writer. i can’t tell you how many blogs turn me off because the author sucks at writing. even some of the wildly popular ones. when i started blogging, i naturally assumed the most popular ones were also the best written. what a dumbass i was for thinking that. level of popularity and talent seldom go hand in hand. just ask paris hilton and kate gosselin. (or don’t. it would suck to talk to them.)

    @freckletree — gender solidarity will not allow me to go quite as far as you went with it, BUT you seem to have picked up on EXACTLY what i was trying to say.

    ps — quit leaving comments funnier than my posts.

  • http://bwakeling.wordpress.com Ben Wakeling

    Ever since I started my dad blog, I’ve met and spoken to dads around the world, some of whom are the best bloggers and writers I’ve known. I never knew there were so many!

    One day we’ll take over the world…

  • http://bwakeling.wordpress.com Ben Wakeling

    Ever since I started my dad blog, I’ve met and spoken to dads around the world, some of whom are the best bloggers and writers I’ve known. I never knew there were so many!

    One day we’ll take over the world…

  • http://www.latifahshay.com Latifah Shay

    I agree, for some eternal time, the father hasn’t really filled his own shoes well.

    But that is a great opportunity to break the mold. There is *so* much room for improvement upon the stereotype, and yet you do have to battle the stereotype.

    I agree as well with what you said on Twitter abt not comparing yourselves (Dads) to Moms. We’re different! And the Dads, the Men, have so much to bring to the table that women couldn’t do even if they tried. And this is not about comparison either, it’s about LOVE. The way Father’s give and are capable of giving is so different, so perfect, so needed and so profound. If every child had an amazing Father and an amazing Mother – imagine what his or her world would be like! Imagine what the whole world would be like it that type of love were abundant.

    I say Yea! for REAL fathers!!
    xo Latifah

  • http://www.latifahshay.com Latifah Shay

    I agree, for some eternal time, the father hasn’t really filled his own shoes well.

    But that is a great opportunity to break the mold. There is *so* much room for improvement upon the stereotype, and yet you do have to battle the stereotype.

    I agree as well with what you said on Twitter abt not comparing yourselves (Dads) to Moms. We’re different! And the Dads, the Men, have so much to bring to the table that women couldn’t do even if they tried. And this is not about comparison either, it’s about LOVE. The way Father’s give and are capable of giving is so different, so perfect, so needed and so profound. If every child had an amazing Father and an amazing Mother – imagine what his or her world would be like! Imagine what the whole world would be like it that type of love were abundant.

    I say Yea! for REAL fathers!!
    xo Latifah

  • http://www.almightydad.com Keith Wilcox

    I’ve noticed that a lot of mombloggers go for the product review angle. That’s fine and everything, but I look at what they write and what I write, and I have many times more substantive articles than most of them. I very frequently actually talk about parenting issues, not just products. Actually, I only have a few products I talk about (Hooked on Phonics, Rosetta Stone — that’s about it) and that’s only because they’re parenting related and relevant to my life. Yeah, I don’t want to be like mom bloggers. Not because mom bloggers are doing it wrong or worse, just simply because that’s not why I’m here (like you).

  • http://www.almightydad.com Keith Wilcox

    I’ve noticed that a lot of mombloggers go for the product review angle. That’s fine and everything, but I look at what they write and what I write, and I have many times more substantive articles than most of them. I very frequently actually talk about parenting issues, not just products. Actually, I only have a few products I talk about (Hooked on Phonics, Rosetta Stone — that’s about it) and that’s only because they’re parenting related and relevant to my life. Yeah, I don’t want to be like mom bloggers. Not because mom bloggers are doing it wrong or worse, just simply because that’s not why I’m here (like you).

  • http://www.irrationaldad.com Joe @ IrrationalDad

    I am a dad, and I blog.

    Maybe it’s because I read a lot of mommy blogs, but it really seems that a lot are striving to do product reviews, or get free stuff, or blog every. single. day. It’s hard to keep up and relate when I’m working 45 to 55 hours a week to provide for my family, be a present and loving husband and father, and still find time to share my experiences with the world.

    As such, I’m grateful to see that there are so many daddy bloggers out there. I really need to make drastic changes to my google reader subscriptions.

    Great post, John!

  • http://www.irrationaldad.com Joe @ IrrationalDad

    I am a dad, and I blog.

    Maybe it’s because I read a lot of mommy blogs, but it really seems that a lot are striving to do product reviews, or get free stuff, or blog every. single. day. It’s hard to keep up and relate when I’m working 45 to 55 hours a week to provide for my family, be a present and loving husband and father, and still find time to share my experiences with the world.

    As such, I’m grateful to see that there are so many daddy bloggers out there. I really need to make drastic changes to my google reader subscriptions.

    Great post, John!

  • http://clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/ Clark Kent’s Lunchbox

    I missed this post over spring break and man am I sorry. Incredible post John. On the money all the way. Great great discussion in the comments too. We dads can’t just sit back and expect everything to happen. Like most things we have to step up and break the image that in many ways we’ve allowed to happen. Empowerment is about taking action.

  • http://clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/ Clark Kent’s Lunchbox

    I missed this post over spring break and man am I sorry. Incredible post John. On the money all the way. Great great discussion in the comments too. We dads can’t just sit back and expect everything to happen. Like most things we have to step up and break the image that in many ways we’ve allowed to happen. Empowerment is about taking action.