Singing With The Triplets

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Lovie and Pookie went out last night which left yours truly to take care of the terrible trio. Bedtime has been a real issue of late, particularly with C, so I was a bit worried about how I would fare. After all, Lovie is the unquestioned star of our little show, and though that show must go on, I couldn’t help but wonder how smoothly it would run without her on stage alongside of us.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a solid understudy. Ready, willing, and able to take center stage at the drop of a hat. But for me to carry the show, I had to alter the script a bit. Especially given the bedtime drama that’s been going down. So I decided to turn that drama into a musical.

You’ve heard of “Dancing With the Stars,” right? (I know. I hate Kate Gosselin, too, but more on that in a future post…) Well last night, I hosted “Singing With the Triplets.” Actually, I did more than just host. I also got my vocal on during dinner and kept it going through potty time and bath time. I hoped that by doing so I would not only make my trio forget about Lovie, but I’d also wear them out to the point where they’d fall asleep with little resistance.

Act I: Dinner. Once A, B, and C were in their highchairs, I grabbed their milk from the fridge. Cue the lights. Start the music. The first selection? A tribute to that which held their milk, sung to the tune of Kiss’s hard rock anthem, “Lick it Up.”

“Sippy cup. Sippy cup.
Whoa-oh-oh.
The lid’s on tight, now.
Sippy cup. Sippy cup.
Whoa-oh-oh.
Oooh yeah. Oooh yeah.”

The judges weren’t amused. In fact, they were growing impatient. And who could blame them? With all the singing, I’d forgotten about their dinner which I was heating in the toaster oven. Luckily, the food wasn’t burned. But it was hot. Very hot.

Cue the lights. Start the music. Time for some Billy Idol. While dishing up their sizzling meal, I sang the following to the tune of “Hot in the City.”

“Hot dinny-dinny.
Hot dinny-dinny tonight.
Hot dinny-dinny.
Hot dinny-dinny, s’alright.”

The boys liked it, but C wasn’t feeling it. Or at least that’s what I gathered when she offered up the following.

“Stop it, Daddy.”

All right, then. Intermission. May as well give the little monsters some peace and quiet while they gobble their goodies. Besides, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was gonna sing next, anyway.

Once dinner was behind us, I got the triplets out of their highchairs and instructed them to take a turn on the potty, but B refused to go (could he have been holding out for another song?). That’s when the next selection smacked me in the face. I went all new-school and busted out an altered version of Lady Ga Ga’s “Paparazzi.”

“Listen to your dad,
it’s time for you to use the potty.
I’m the
Potty Nazi.”

Maybe I was connecting with my son through the magic of music, or maybe he was just trying to shut me up. Whichever the case, B dropped trou and wobbled to the bathroom where he discarded his cloth shackles and hopped up on the big potty. Only one problem. His, um, deal-i-o was pointing north which meant the hardwood floor was getting an unnecessary watering. So I cued up some George Benson and sang my next song to the tune of his 1982 classic, “Turn Your Love Around.”

“Point your pee-pee down.
I can show you how.
Point your pee-pee down.
Gotta do it now.”

B smiled from ear to ear and, indeed, pointed his pee-pee down. Aside from the initial splatter, the floor remained dry. Crisis averted.

After all three had faithfully obeyed the Potty Nazi, it was time for a bath. And when C started crying after getting soap in her eyes, it was also time for a little Deep Purple.

“Soap in the water.
The burn is in the eyes.”

By 7:15 all three were in bed. The drama I was worried about? There was none. Well, except a little bit from C. She wanted to sleep in the boys’ room. So I scooped her up and deposited her in the extra crib before telling the trio that I expected them to go to sleep without a fuss.

When Lovie got home, she couldn’t believe the song that greeted her. Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence.” It was literally the first time in weeks that everyone was fast asleep by 8:00.

“Oh, by the way,” I said, “C wanted to sleep in the boys’ room, so I moved her.”

“She’s asked to do that before, you know, and each time all hell breaks loose.”

“Well, it went okay tonight.”

“Really?” asked Lovie.

“Really,” I answered.

“What did you do?” she asked incredulously.

“I dunno,” I shrugged. “Just the same ol’ song and dance, I guess.”

*whispers to the audience*

The understudy’s a rockstar, y’all. Recognize.

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • WeaselMomma

    I wonder who was more worn out after all of that, the terrible trio or the star?

  • WeaselMomma

    I wonder who was more worn out after all of that, the terrible trio or the star?

  • http://www.tempestbeauty.com Mandy

    As a mom… it’s sometimes wonderful to feel needed, like you are the best one for the job, no one can do it quite as well as you do.

    But sometimes… sometimes, it feels amazing to see someone else get the job done right, and know that it was okay that you weren’t there.

    I bet you made Lovie feel like a million bucks. Job well done, JCO. Well done, indeed. :)

  • http://www.tempestbeauty.com Mandy

    As a mom… it’s sometimes wonderful to feel needed, like you are the best one for the job, no one can do it quite as well as you do.

    But sometimes… sometimes, it feels amazing to see someone else get the job done right, and know that it was okay that you weren’t there.

    I bet you made Lovie feel like a million bucks. Job well done, JCO. Well done, indeed. :)

  • Stacie

    Great job John! I often wonder if my husband “plays dumb” about parenting tasks so that I won’t ask for his help…you might have moved into the position of “Star of the Show” after this musical act! Love your blog!

  • Stacie

    Great job John! I often wonder if my husband “plays dumb” about parenting tasks so that I won’t ask for his help…you might have moved into the position of “Star of the Show” after this musical act! Love your blog!

  • http://www.madd0g.org Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin

    You have the audacity to post this without providing video evidence? Sheesh.

  • http://www.madd0g.org Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin

    You have the audacity to post this without providing video evidence? Sheesh.

  • http://youthinkyoucanblog.wordpress.com Angelia Sims

    Okay, I gotta admit the Lady GaGa Potty Nazi – BRILLIANT! Bravo! Bravo!

    I’ll be singing that one all day.

    I’m not good at making up songs (that make sense anyway). I DO like to recap my order in opera. Jason got a little embarrassed by that at IHOP. Me singing opera is one thing but a three and a five year old? A tad LOUD.

    Now my daughter the almost 16yr old likes to record my OPERA order and then change the voice on it using her iPhone app. So it plays back Chipmunk (which is really funny!) or Haunting (which is creepy as all get out!).

    I think you need to move on up and get this show on YouTube!

    Your fans want more! Don’t make us chant. :-)

  • http://youthinkyoucanblog.wordpress.com Angelia Sims

    Okay, I gotta admit the Lady GaGa Potty Nazi – BRILLIANT! Bravo! Bravo!

    I’ll be singing that one all day.

    I’m not good at making up songs (that make sense anyway). I DO like to recap my order in opera. Jason got a little embarrassed by that at IHOP. Me singing opera is one thing but a three and a five year old? A tad LOUD.

    Now my daughter the almost 16yr old likes to record my OPERA order and then change the voice on it using her iPhone app. So it plays back Chipmunk (which is really funny!) or Haunting (which is creepy as all get out!).

    I think you need to move on up and get this show on YouTube!

    Your fans want more! Don’t make us chant. :-)

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    You just got they lead role my friend

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    You just got they lead role my friend

  • http://www.mytwinsforlife.blogspot.com HT

    When that happens I do have to sigh a sigh of relief, because it does not happen very often.

    Love your writing.

  • http://www.mytwinsforlife.blogspot.com HT

    When that happens I do have to sigh a sigh of relief, because it does not happen very often.

    Love your writing.

  • http://sahdinlansing.com Chris (@tessasdad)

    Way to go man. Last night, I got Tessa to bed for the first time ever…I’ve had many attempts previously but it usually takes a little momma breastfeeding to do the trick.

    Thanks for sharing your success!

  • http://sahdinlansing.com Chris (@tessasdad)

    Way to go man. Last night, I got Tessa to bed for the first time ever…I’ve had many attempts previously but it usually takes a little momma breastfeeding to do the trick.

    Thanks for sharing your success!

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

    My kids are are a bit older so some of our challenges are different. But I remember well the days of trying to “con” them into doing what I wanted them to do.

    Course had I started singing they would have cried. 😉

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

    My kids are are a bit older so some of our challenges are different. But I remember well the days of trying to “con” them into doing what I wanted them to do.

    Course had I started singing they would have cried. 😉

  • http://lifeofanewdad.blogspot.com Otter321

    Nice job. You have given me hope that my talent for making up songs or at least fitting other songs to a situation will come in handy some day. So far it is only good for getting dirty looks from my wife.

  • http://lifeofanewdad.blogspot.com Otter321

    Nice job. You have given me hope that my talent for making up songs or at least fitting other songs to a situation will come in handy some day. So far it is only good for getting dirty looks from my wife.

  • http://bwakeling.wordpress.com Ben Wakeling

    That’s hilarious! My son makes up random song and then orders me to sing them!

  • http://bwakeling.wordpress.com Ben Wakeling

    That’s hilarious! My son makes up random song and then orders me to sing them!

  • http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com Melisa with one S

    Nicely done! But I’m w/ Mad Dog: Where’s the video???

  • http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com Melisa with one S

    Nicely done! But I’m w/ Mad Dog: Where’s the video???

  • http://www.blogonkevin.blogspot.com home and uncool

    Wow. Introducing the trips to Kiss and Lady Gaga. As if life won’t be confusing enough for them.

  • http://www.blogonkevin.blogspot.com home and uncool

    Wow. Introducing the trips to Kiss and Lady Gaga. As if life won’t be confusing enough for them.

  • http://daddyfiles.com Daddy Files

    You are a complete and total geek. I should know, we can smell our own.

    The last time I sang and danced with my son I went into a Nancy Kerrigan tornado spin of death and ended up losing the grip on my cell phone, which smacked against the wall and exploded. Better than dropping the kid I guess.

    Loved the post buddy, keep ’em coming!

  • http://daddyfiles.com Daddy Files

    You are a complete and total geek. I should know, we can smell our own.

    The last time I sang and danced with my son I went into a Nancy Kerrigan tornado spin of death and ended up losing the grip on my cell phone, which smacked against the wall and exploded. Better than dropping the kid I guess.

    Loved the post buddy, keep ’em coming!

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    Well done. The past few nights my wife has been on second shift, so my son has been the one to serenade me. He’s been singing “Chocate Milk, Chocate Milk, Chocate Milk” whenever I ask him what he wants for dinner.

  • http://www.realmendriveminivans.com PJ Mullen

    Well done. The past few nights my wife has been on second shift, so my son has been the one to serenade me. He’s been singing “Chocate Milk, Chocate Milk, Chocate Milk” whenever I ask him what he wants for dinner.

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