Little White Lies

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I’ve had a tough run lately. It started on Sunday night when my boy, Peyton Manning, threw a crucial pick that pretty much sealed the deal for the Saints. I should have realized that the Who’s impotent halftime display was a harbinger of things to come.

...and we get on our knees and pray...the Who won't play again.

Monday and Tuesday proceeded to be such horrendous days at work that the only way they could have gotten any worse would have been if the Who had actually shown up at my office, set up shop, and proceeded to play a perpetual loop of their Super Bowl medley. (By the way, did you hear that Austin Powers called Roger Daltrey after the performance? Apparently, he wanted his outfit back. And speaking of outfits, what was up with that little Blues Brothers number that Pete Townsend was sporting? Was he supposed to be Jake or Elwood?)

At least Tuesday night went fairly well, that is until Lovie and I heard the dreaded sound of cries from the monitor on the kitchen counter long after bedtime. It was A. “Did you catch that?” asked my beautiful wife.  “He’s calling for you.”

I was skeptical to say the least. It’s always Mommy they want, not me. But once my ear was right up to the monitor, I realized that Lovie was right. Our little guy was screaming “Dad-dy!”

So up I went to check on my monster, excited at the sure-to-come, nocturnal, father-son bonding session–almost giddy that A had requested me by name. Upon entering his room, I expected to be hailed as a super-hero, but instead, I wasn’t even acknowledged.

A

“MOMMY! MOMMY!” screamed A at the top of his lungs while pointing to his blanket which lay on the floor. It had fallen from his crib which meant that the earlier screams weren’t made by a kid longing for his “Dad-dy,” but rather by one who was jonesing for his “blank-ie.” I picked it up and handed it to him, thinking that would be that. Until A threw the blanket back down with a disapproving grunt.

“Mommy!” he demanded, none too pleased that I was the one negotiating the blanket debacle.

What I thought would be a bonding moment with my son had suddenly turned into a bad-behavior moment that rendered a punishable offense. I was obviously wrong earlier. My day had gotten worse. And it had nothing to do with the Who.

“You’re in time out for throwing your blankie,” I said sternly as I exited to the hallway. When I re-entered three minutes later, A’s cries had subsided, as had his insistence for his mommy.

“Poo-poo,” he said in a soft voice while grabbing at his bottom as I lifted him from the ground.

“Buddy, we don’t go poo-poo in our pull-up. We go poo poo in the potty like a big boy. Why didn’t you go poo-poo in the potty earlier? Hmmm?”

He answered with a blank stare before putting his tiny arms around my neck and burying his head in my shoulder. My oldest son and I remained frozen in that embrace for five wonderful minutes. When I finally changed him, I was shocked to find that he hadn’t gone to the bathroom at all.

He had told his first lie.

Children normally lie to get away with something bad, but A’s lie amounted to turning himself in for something he hadn’t even done. Why? So I’d talk about going poo-poo in the potty with him? So I’d change him even though he didn’t need changing?

As I kissed him goodnight on the nose, I stared into eyes that looked back at me with equal amounts of sleep and love until it dawned on me. Maybe, just maybe, during his time out, my little monster realized that he wanted a nocturnal, father-son bonding session. But that thanks to his poor behavior, the only thing he would receive was a post-punishment kiss as I laid him down for the night. Unless he acted fast, that is, and figured out a way to extend our time.

Some people tell little white lies, but A had just told me a timid little brown one. All so he could spend a few minutes resting his head on my shoulder. Lying to someone by saying you have a load of shit in your pants in order to draw that person closer would have never occurred to me. But then again, I don’t get stoked beyond belief every time I get to play with a zipper. Nor do I insist that all my bath towels be equipped with a hood. So who am I to judge?

Besides. It worked.

As I turned the corner on my way down the stairs, I looked out the window and was surprised to see heavy snowfall. I hadn’t realized we were expecting any. I love snow.

I smiled and continued down, suspecting that things were starting to turn around for me.

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com Melisa with one S

    I love this. Well done.

    He’s starting early though; you MIGHT be in trouble when he’s a teenager.

  • http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com Melisa with one S

    I love this. Well done.

    He’s starting early though; you MIGHT be in trouble when he’s a teenager.

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    A little manipulator… but in an incredibly sweet way.

    Nice catch on the reason behind his fib.

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    A little manipulator… but in an incredibly sweet way.

    Nice catch on the reason behind his fib.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    Sometimes all they want is a special little cuddle. I need to remember that myself. Thanks.

  • http://worldofweasels.blogspot.com WeaselMomma

    Sometimes all they want is a special little cuddle. I need to remember that myself. Thanks.

  • Rob

    There’s a fine line between a white lie and a good salesperson…apple doesn’t fall far from the tree???

  • Rob

    There’s a fine line between a white lie and a good salesperson…apple doesn’t fall far from the tree???

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com Jack

    I enjoyed The Who. Super Bowl performances are always a bit weak compared to a “real” show. They weren’t great, but… As for the game, well the Colts gave that puppy away. I was with you on this one, didn’t want to see the Saints win.

    And like the others I think that you are going to find that your son has your number. He has nothing but time to study your every move and figure out your weaknesses. That is part of the joy of children. 😉

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com Jack

    I enjoyed The Who. Super Bowl performances are always a bit weak compared to a “real” show. They weren’t great, but… As for the game, well the Colts gave that puppy away. I was with you on this one, didn’t want to see the Saints win.

    And like the others I think that you are going to find that your son has your number. He has nothing but time to study your every move and figure out your weaknesses. That is part of the joy of children. 😉

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    My daughter would get pissed when I came to her cries to where I eventually started taking it personally.

    I’d get over it as soon as I would start to lie them back down. They’re just so dang adorable when you’re holding them and they’re tired.

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    My daughter would get pissed when I came to her cries to where I eventually started taking it personally.

    I’d get over it as soon as I would start to lie them back down. They’re just so dang adorable when you’re holding them and they’re tired.

  • Nicki

    I was worried when I read your tweet about this post but all is good. Glad it is turning around for you and Lovie and Pookie and A, B and C.

  • Nicki

    I was worried when I read your tweet about this post but all is good. Glad it is turning around for you and Lovie and Pookie and A, B and C.

  • http://www.tempestbeauty.com Mandy

    Aww. I have such a soft spot for night time wakings. Babes can be so sweet when sleepy. I bet that hug was worth all of the bad crap.

    This is just beautiful. So glad your week got better.

  • http://www.tempestbeauty.com Mandy

    Aww. I have such a soft spot for night time wakings. Babes can be so sweet when sleepy. I bet that hug was worth all of the bad crap.

    This is just beautiful. So glad your week got better.

  • Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts

    There’s something so sweet and vulnerable about them when they wake in the night, isn’t there? Amazing how a blankie thrown overboard and faux dirty diaper can provide a sweet ending to a bad day. Thanks, as always, for telling your stories.

  • http://www.tendollarthoughts Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts

    There’s something so sweet and vulnerable about them when they wake in the night, isn’t there? Amazing how a blankie thrown overboard and faux dirty diaper can provide a sweet ending to a bad day. Thanks, as always, for telling your stories.

  • http://pegbur7.wordpress.com pegbur7

    Some people tell little white lies, but A had just told me a timid little brown one. All so he could spend a few minutes resting his head on my shoulder. Lying to someone by saying you have a load of shit in your pants in order to draw that person closer would have never occurred to me. But then again, I don’t get stoked beyond belief every time I get to play with a zipper. Nor do I insist that all my bath towels be equipped with a hood. So who am I to judge?

    That paragraph cracked me up! The next time I want cuddle time I wonder if it will work if I tell them I crapped my pants? LOL NOT!!! My youngest would just think I’m old enough now for “the home”. Good post.

  • http://pegbur7.wordpress.com pegbur7

    Some people tell little white lies, but A had just told me a timid little brown one. All so he could spend a few minutes resting his head on my shoulder. Lying to someone by saying you have a load of shit in your pants in order to draw that person closer would have never occurred to me. But then again, I don’t get stoked beyond belief every time I get to play with a zipper. Nor do I insist that all my bath towels be equipped with a hood. So who am I to judge?

    That paragraph cracked me up! The next time I want cuddle time I wonder if it will work if I tell them I crapped my pants? LOL NOT!!! My youngest would just think I’m old enough now for “the home”. Good post.

  • http://mothereseblog.com Kristen @ Motherese

    No joke: I was just moments ago summoned to Big Boy’s room with the words “Mommy, stinky poop in here!” When I arrived, I asked him if he indeed had a poop, to which he replied, “Actually not.”

    Turns out he had dropped his Mickey Mouse out of the crib and needed it retrieved.

    What is it about the toddlers and false poop alarms?

  • http://mothereseblog.com Kristen @ Motherese

    No joke: I was just moments ago summoned to Big Boy’s room with the words “Mommy, stinky poop in here!” When I arrived, I asked him if he indeed had a poop, to which he replied, “Actually not.”

    Turns out he had dropped his Mickey Mouse out of the crib and needed it retrieved.

    What is it about the toddlers and false poop alarms?

  • http://www.holymolytoledos.blogspot.com susy

    Sucks you were having a bad week, but totally sweet how it started to get better. Even though mistaking “daddy” for “blankie” was crappy. Oops! no pun intended! I just about melted when you described little A swinging his arms around your neck and laying on your shoulder! Awe….. (those little guys know EXACTLY how to work us! And I see they start early!) But I have to agree you’ll have to be careful come their teens!

  • http://www.holymolytoledos.blogspot.com susy

    Sucks you were having a bad week, but totally sweet how it started to get better. Even though mistaking “daddy” for “blankie” was crappy. Oops! no pun intended! I just about melted when you described little A swinging his arms around your neck and laying on your shoulder! Awe….. (those little guys know EXACTLY how to work us! And I see they start early!) But I have to agree you’ll have to be careful come their teens!

  • http://kellybauch@me.com kelly

    love love loved that blog… : )

    However, I did REALLY enjoy the Who. Sorry, but they were good. Of course I might have been mesmerized by their light show, and maybe also and the 7-layer-burrito dip I was shoving down my pie hole…

  • kelly

    love love loved that blog… : )

    However, I did REALLY enjoy the Who. Sorry, but they were good. Of course I might have been mesmerized by their light show, and maybe also and the 7-layer-burrito dip I was shoving down my pie hole…

  • http://suzicate.wordpress.com suzicate

    Who couldn’t forgive a precious ltille manipulator like this one?!

  • http://suzicate.wordpress.com suzicate

    Who couldn’t forgive a precious ltille manipulator like this one?!

  • http://thegoodthebadtheworse.blogspot.com Linda Medrano

    My son and his wife have four kids. I can’t even imagine adding two more to the mix! This is a wonderful place to give me a smile all morning! Thanks! (That boy is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!)

  • http://thegoodthebadtheworse.blogspot.com Linda Medrano

    My son and his wife have four kids. I can’t even imagine adding two more to the mix! This is a wonderful place to give me a smile all morning! Thanks! (That boy is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!)