Trip Picks

I’m in a sports slump. It’s that simple. Why? Because most of the big-time games I wanna watch go down on weekend afternoons. And around my house, that’s a serious conflict of interest. As a result, the only blitzes I’m privy to are the ones executed by our tiny threesome as they bull-rush our domestic quarterback (Lovie), while this lineman helplessly tries to prevent them from knocking her out of the game. Instead of rooting for my favorite team to get a first down, I’m left assisting Lovie until we get a third down. In bed that is. And by that time, most of the action is over.

When Lovie and I discovered that she was pregnant with triplets, I (jokingly) told her that if they were all girls, Briggs (my faithful hound) and I were packin’ up and leaving. After all, the last thing we needed was the estrogen fest that would ensue with a household of five females compared to just one (human) male. So you can imagine my relief when we welcomed two boys and one girl into the world. At long last, I’d finally have some testosterone on my side.

But I soon realized that sharing a house with a mommy, a little girl, and three babies is far from a Harley Davidsion convention. Two years later, not much has changed. This past weekend was one of the biggest sporting weekends of the year, but no one that I lived with seemed to care–not even my boys. NFL playoffs? Un uh. The only thing they wanted to watch was an animated nursery rhyme. Which brings me back to the first sentence of this post. I’m in a sports slump.

On Friday night, after we got the kiddos down, Lovie, Pookie, and I watched a movie called Imagine That. A single dad (Eddie Murphy) discovers that with the help of his daughter (Yara Shahidi) and her magic blanket, he’s able to pick stocks that are destined to soar in value, thus helping him further his career in finance.

I quickly realized that Imagine That contained the elusive solution to my sports slump. You see, without my usual high dosage of sports, I’m not as well versed in the ways of football as I once was, an unfortunate fact that has led to a slump within a slump–namely that of accurately forcasting which teams will prevail each and every weekend. Thanks to Eddie Murphy, I had a feeling that was about to change. After all, if his kid could pick stocks, surely the triplets could pick winners.

So on Saturday morning, I put two stickie notes in front of A. He passed over the one that read Bengals, instead picking the one that said New York. Apparently, my little guy was down with the Jets catching three and a hook on the road against Cincy. I repeated the selection process for the three remaining NFL matchups and logged his selections before bringing B, and C into the mix. Ten minutes later, I had my plays.

A is FIRED UP about his picks.

In addition to the Jets, A also liked:

Dallas -3-1/2 over the Eagles,

Baltimore +3-1/2 over the Pats, and

Green Bay -3 over Arizona.

He was a smoking hot 3-1 for the weekend.

B flashes a confident smile before disclosing his selections.

B chose

Philly,

Cincy,

Baltimore, and

Arizona.

He wound up 2-2 and was the only one to correctly pick the Cards.

C's picture may be out of focus, but her selections were anything but.

C liked

the Jets,

Philly,

New England (she thinks Tom Brady’s hot), and

Green Bay.

She started off well, but fizzled, going 1-3 for the weekend.

I played the teams which got the majority backing from the trips (New York, Philly, Baltimore, and Green Bay). Oddly, all four were on the road, which any seasoned gamer will tell you is a Wildcard Weekend no-no. Still, I ended up 2-2. And as the old adage goes, a push is a win, right? So I was thrilled.

Only one problem.

I still didn’t get to watch.

Stay tuned for how they do throughout the playoffs.

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About john cave osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as DisneyBaby, Babble, YahooShine, TLC and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their five children and spastic dog in Knoxville, TN. Nothing annoys him more than joke-heavy bios written in the third person, with the possible exception of Corey Feldman.

  • http://www.madd0g.org Mo

    So what you’re saying is that with the help of the kiddos and some strategic betting you are going to become an exceptionally rich man?

  • http://www.madd0g.org Mo

    So what you’re saying is that with the help of the kiddos and some strategic betting you are going to become an exceptionally rich man?

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    Surely you will be able to watch a few playoffs games. Sounds like A is your ‘go-to’ guy for picks if a Fantasy Team is in your future.

  • http://ifmomsaysok.wordpress.com Tara R.

    Surely you will be able to watch a few playoffs games. Sounds like A is your ‘go-to’ guy for picks if a Fantasy Team is in your future.

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    That’s a great idea. Too bad you didn’t start that at the beginning of the season. Maybe something that you can focus on next season from the beginning.

    I have five kids (four 4 and under). Sports does not exist during daytime hours. I was amazed that I was able to gain control of the TV during the NCAA Championship.

  • http://jugglingeric.blogspot.com Eric

    That’s a great idea. Too bad you didn’t start that at the beginning of the season. Maybe something that you can focus on next season from the beginning.

    I have five kids (four 4 and under). Sports does not exist during daytime hours. I was amazed that I was able to gain control of the TV during the NCAA Championship.

  • http://www.holymolytoledos.blogspot.com Susy

    Lovie didn’t have any picks? 😉 This household can totally relate to your post! Poor HunHun hasn’t seen much football this season either. I was just saying last week that even *I* was missing it! We usually catch the first or last quarter, if we’re lucky. I’m sure it’ll improve with time, for you and us!

  • http://www.holymolytoledos.blogspot.com Susy

    Lovie didn’t have any picks? 😉 This household can totally relate to your post! Poor HunHun hasn’t seen much football this season either. I was just saying last week that even *I* was missing it! We usually catch the first or last quarter, if we’re lucky. I’m sure it’ll improve with time, for you and us!

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

    Hah, I have got the nine and five year olds on board. They like watching a ball game with dear old dad. Most of the time, that is.

    Every now and then they prefer one of their shows, but they know the playoffs are a special time.

  • http://wwwjackbenimble.blogspot.com/ Jack

    Hah, I have got the nine and five year olds on board. They like watching a ball game with dear old dad. Most of the time, that is.

    Every now and then they prefer one of their shows, but they know the playoffs are a special time.

  • Rob

    John,
    Not only is your writing talent growing with each post, but your creativity muscle is on steroids! Just like most of the NFL players!!

  • Rob

    John,
    Not only is your writing talent growing with each post, but your creativity muscle is on steroids! Just like most of the NFL players!!

  • http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com Melisa with one S

    Hilarious. Just think of all the stuff they could pick for you, in addition to sports!

  • http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com Melisa with one S

    Hilarious. Just think of all the stuff they could pick for you, in addition to sports!

  • stacie keller

    Great post John! I want to see “A’s” picks for the powerball numbers this Wed! :-)

  • stacie keller

    Great post John! I want to see “A’s” picks for the powerball numbers this Wed! :-)

  • http://www.forcoryssake.blogspot.com Carolyn Wada

    I have the same record as C (Baltimore being the one). Probably not a good idea to have my who-I-want-to-win and who-I-think-will-win picks be one and the same.

  • http://www.forcoryssake.blogspot.com Carolyn Wada

    I have the same record as C (Baltimore being the one). Probably not a good idea to have my who-I-want-to-win and who-I-think-will-win picks be one and the same.

  • http://mayerandnewton.com Lori

    My money is on Sammy. I think he has the most interest and seems the biggest sportsman. Time will tell.

  • http://mayerandnewton.com Lori

    My money is on Sammy. I think he has the most interest and seems the biggest sportsman. Time will tell.

  • RayB

    Hey John,

    It gets better w/time. I still remember having to bypass the UT/LSU SEC CG a few years ago b/c of familial duties.

    Evan was giving me play-by-play updates from the UT/Kansas game on Sunday while I was in the kitchen making lasagna. This from a kid who would rather watch me play Madden than an actual game. He was beyond stoked when we held on.

    Times are beginning to change!

  • RayB

    Hey John,

    It gets better w/time. I still remember having to bypass the UT/LSU SEC CG a few years ago b/c of familial duties.

    Evan was giving me play-by-play updates from the UT/Kansas game on Sunday while I was in the kitchen making lasagna. This from a kid who would rather watch me play Madden than an actual game. He was beyond stoked when we held on.

    Times are beginning to change!

  • http://www.nickisnook.net Nicki

    I actually got to watch football this past weekend – some even on the “big” TV in the living room as opposed to the 13″ in my bedroom. How? The kids had things to do. YIPPEE!!!

    I have been known to subscribe to text updates on my mobile when I lose out on the TV battle.

  • http://www.nickisnook.net Nicki

    I actually got to watch football this past weekend – some even on the “big” TV in the living room as opposed to the 13″ in my bedroom. How? The kids had things to do. YIPPEE!!!

    I have been known to subscribe to text updates on my mobile when I lose out on the TV battle.

  • http://www.thejaxon4.blogspot.com cjaxon

    That sucks because my two year old says “BALL!” everytime he sees a tv. We have to turn on the highlights during the week. It was cute for a few days … and when it was just with my husband, but now he wants ME to watch football.

  • http://www.thejaxon4.blogspot.com cjaxon

    That sucks because my two year old says “BALL!” everytime he sees a tv. We have to turn on the highlights during the week. It was cute for a few days … and when it was just with my husband, but now he wants ME to watch football.

  • http://www.winwinsportsbetting.com Mario Pinnetoni

    Hello, it looks like your site is up and coming in the Alexa rankings. Can you help me out? My site is http://www.winwinsportsbetting.com. I would appreciate it very much!

  • http://www.winwinsportsbetting.com Mario Pinnetoni

    Hello, it looks like your site is up and coming in the Alexa rankings. Can you help me out? My site is http://www.winwinsportsbetting.com. I would appreciate it very much!

  • Alyssa

    Your children are just adorable! Missing sports is not my major trauma–missing General Hospital is…..I must REALLY love my daughter. I’m new to checking out your blog and like what I see. (I’m following you)

  • http://bloggin2noggin@blogspot.com Alyssa

    Your children are just adorable! Missing sports is not my major trauma–missing General Hospital is…..I must REALLY love my daughter. I’m new to checking out your blog and like what I see. (I’m following you)

  • http://3boys1hubbywhatnext.blogspot.com MamaOtwins+1

    Even 7 yr olds aren’t ready to watch sports yet – plus the 2yr pretty much controls our television. Hope you get to watch something soon!

  • http://3boys1hubbywhatnext.blogspot.com MamaOtwins+1

    Even 7 yr olds aren’t ready to watch sports yet – plus the 2yr pretty much controls our television. Hope you get to watch something soon!

  • http://dadlogic.net dadlogic

    As usual, your posts give me a good laugh. I kept imagining the strange look your wife would have given you if she walked in to see your post-it note experiment in action.

    Briggs could get in on this as well. Put a piece of dog kibble on each of the post it notes and see which one he heads to first.

    I’m still trying to teach my son to yell Touchdown. So far, I’ve only got him to the point where he will raise his hands in the air and say hooray. We’ll have to work on this in the off season.

    Looking forward to reading who the kids pick this week.

  • http://dadlogic.net dadlogic

    As usual, your posts give me a good laugh. I kept imagining the strange look your wife would have given you if she walked in to see your post-it note experiment in action.

    Briggs could get in on this as well. Put a piece of dog kibble on each of the post it notes and see which one he heads to first.

    I’m still trying to teach my son to yell Touchdown. So far, I’ve only got him to the point where he will raise his hands in the air and say hooray. We’ll have to work on this in the off season.

    Looking forward to reading who the kids pick this week.

  • Nicki

    Have the trips picked a successor for your beloved Vols that you like? And just who are they picking for this weekend!

  • Nicki

    Have the trips picked a successor for your beloved Vols that you like? And just who are they picking for this weekend!

  • http://3boys1hubbywhatnext.blogspot.com MamaOtwins+1

    By the way – early on Jan.16th – there will be an award posted on my blog for you!

  • http://3boys1hubbywhatnext.blogspot.com MamaOtwins+1

    By the way – early on Jan.16th – there will be an award posted on my blog for you!

  • T.R.

    John I’m getting killed in the playoffs…I need some help from the trips.

    T.R.

  • T.R.

    John I’m getting killed in the playoffs…I need some help from the trips.

    T.R.